A Before-Marriage Agreement Contract
by This is partly in fun and partly serious. I was talking to a friend who had also been divorced. He thought he would have a before marriage agreement drawn up. I gave it some thought about what I wanted in a marriage and this is what I put together.
A before marriage contract Huh…Yeah I should probably make one out as well. Let me run an idea by you, maybe you can give me some tips….
1. Any wages, we both make, an equal portion will be distributed for the running and maintenance of the household.
2. Each will respect the other’s “comfort” zone. If one or the other states that they are uncomfortable, one will refrain from telling the other” it’s all in your mind.”
3. The male counterpart will attend church with me and attend all meetings. If said male counterpart is not a member of the church he may decline missionary promptings for baptism. The male counterpart will not deny me access to the temple. He will not become hostile towards my visiting teaching.
4. He will allow me to pay tithing from my paycheck.
5. He will not push me to get rid of personal items, such as vehicle, tools, movies, etc.
6. If said male drinks, he will agree not to drink in excess and agree not to drink at all prior to “spousal relations.”
7. Spouses will attend all family functions on either side (work schedule permitting)
8.Male counterpart will not give female friends “run of the house” nor permit them to put down the spouse. Likewise female spouse will not tolerate the put down of the male spouse.
9. No purchases to be made on Sunday
10.I expect dates after marriage (a date is planned, reasonably paid for, paired)
11. Male counterpart may go out with the “guys” twice a month
12. Male counterpart must be present during Home Teaching Appointment
13.No Pornography tolerated
14.Foul language to be kept to a minimum
15.If either party gets angry, a time out period permitted up to twenty-four hours
16.A list of purchases will be kept
17.Prior to filing for Divorce, each must consent to counseling
18.If Divorce occurs even after counseling, each leaves with only what they brought with them or personally bought. Joint purchases will be evenly distributed
19.No one shall “bail out a friend from jail” and/or bring them home.
20. Each shall maintain a separate checking account
21. Neither shall drive the other’s vehicle without consent of the other nor use it as collateral to make purchases or bail for self or friend.
22. Spouse will not interrupt spouse at work unless it is a life or death situation. Prior arrangement of joining spouse during lunch break is necessary.
23. Neither spouse shall discourage the other of work shift. Each will work around the shifts for spousal time and relations.
24.Both to participate in household chores
25. Both parties will limit the use of their perspective credit cards
26. Vacation spots discussed and planned together
27.Neither party shall force the other to sell their existing home(s). If the home is rented out, fifty percent of the proceeds will go to the maintenance and care. The other fifty percent to be used as the owner sees fit.
28. Spouses will spend a minimum of ten percent of time in non-sexual activity such as bowling, movies, outings etc and each spouse will contribute to that outing.
29. Neither spouse will lend out anything belonging to the other without the other’s consent.
Anyways, this is just an idea.
What do you think?
How would yours read?
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Post CommentAdam Henry Sears
On January 1, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Hi, Cynthia, how are you?
I like some of the entries in this list, but others to me seem a little outlandish, like 22; What if one of you needs something? and 16; why should purchase records be kept if you’re both willing to agree to ’till death do you part’? and 11; anyone should be able to spend more time with friends than just twice a month. Anyway, that’s just my opinion. Thanks for sharing, and have a nice day.
Angie0000023
On January 3, 2009 at 10:07 pm
This is good but at the same time there are a lot that sound very controling to me. If someone put all these up in a criteria for me to follow that would push me away. Why so many too? It sound obsered!!!
but otherwise I liked it it was good!
Cynthia Bartlett
On January 6, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Hi Adam thanks for your comment. Well re: “what if one of you needs something?” The problem was, I regret to say, “my needs” were unimportant. 2. I was willing to go “till death do us part” unfortunately, polygamy was outlawed so I don’t feel I should be sharing my husband with another woman. Had I agreed to be in a polygamy type marriage that would be different. Then of course the other female(s) needs would need to be considered and it would depend on which of us had the “greater need”. Lastly, I didn’t so much object to his being with friends, but as a wife, I expected , at the very least equal time with him or with my friends which I was denied. I hope that answered your questions. (and I hope I did so politely.
Angie: Even a lamb, when cornered, will fight back.
As with any agreement, there is always room for discussion and compromise.These were the limits impressed on me. Some of these items started out as my former husbands ideas, but then I was, from my perspective, suddenly isolated. The things I was informed as not being a problem, suddenly became a problem. I no longer had access to a vehicle. I was told I couldn’t spend time with elderly parents at the time, and they are no longer on this plane of existence. Any serious suitor can ask about anything. But I refuse to be “imprisoned” again.
I flat refuse to give a spouse my full pay check, total control over the money (especially since my males have not shared with me but every other “stray” that came along, and I am so sick and tired being led that I can attend my religious activities and then informed that if I do. I am not to come home.
there are many factors involved with this.
Oh and Adam, I am sorry I forgot to answer your very first question: How are you? I am working out my “issues” it’s going to be awhile before I allow another man so close to me (don’t suggest I try same sex relationships. I am not into that.) Sadly the man for me who could exist, probably doesn’t simply because there is something about”Being the Head of the House” that makes men appear from another planet. And as much as I enjoyed the “fringe benefits” of marriage, the drama involved wasn’t worth it. I will stay celibate as long as I remain single.
Thank you both for your comments.
Cynthia Bartlett
On February 4, 2011 at 2:39 am
Thank you for viewing, I can only guess,
feed back need not be a mess
what you like or do not care for
would be appreciated
I won’t ask for more
this is a work in progress
and like my poems have stated
writer’s block has infiltrated
would like suggestions
don’t be cruel
I will in turn
do the same
for you