A Black Man’s Place in Today’s Family/Relationships with a Black Woman
by This is my opinion about how roles have changed in the African-American community and because of these shifts, there are rifts in relationships between black men and others.
A friend and I had a long conversation about this topic of a man’s (black man’s) place in a marriage/family. This is my serious contemplation because it is an ongoing discussion on various sites on the Net geared toward black folks and in various black magazines.
We were discussing how it is that black men and women can’t seem to be successful in committed relationships. Statistically, black women are the most likely group of women to never marry. Black men are well, statistically more likely to fall in so many negative categories but we don’t always believe all that hype. We really don’t need the statistics or data to simply comment on casual observations that we all seem to share about our personal relationships, family history and current situations and what we know from others in the community.
Okay, but this is what I think is a small portion of a very complex issue but is truly due serious consideration. I have visited sites that continuously document the plight of black men from dealing with discrimination, loving outside the race, to moaning about the difficulties sistas bring to relationships. Let’s speak on the issues black men have with black women and why strife is there between blacks from any given socioeconomic background. Can we really subscribe to old school roles and beliefs in households that no longer function that way?
Black women, many of them, seem too aggressive and or too independent and or too bitchy and or too negative and or too (brothas fill in the blank). Black women counter that with their need to fill the stereotype and mythical image of the Strong Black Woman (which was propagated by white folks and white women from back in the bondage days, topic for another discussion), or they explain that they were disappointed by every black man in their life beginning with daddy who wasn’t really there or they recite all the accomplishments that they sacrificed to achieve because as black women they had to be strong and independent to get those THINGS or they recite so much baggage from previous jerks they loved who happened to be black men. In any case, both bring baggage to the table. The problem is that we don’t want to acknowledge that and deal with it so it is easier for both sides to blame the other.
Now I believe the larger issue that further compounds the problem is that we have not defined the role of black men in our lives as wives, girlfriends, etc. What I mean is that black men still hold onto old school notions of what a man’s place is in the home and sistas even those who think they are old school really don’t subscribe to that notion in their day to day living. Again I ask–can we really subscribe to old school roles and beliefs in households that no longer function that way?
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Post CommentQueen.
On February 27, 2008 at 11:55 am
I am in definate agreeance with this article, I have one other thing to add to what has been said, my opinion of course.
I find it increasingly interesting that you would touch on a topic that hits so close to home for me, I am a Black woman and I have three children, all different fathers, I have been in two social and economic instances in my life pooor and middle class. Due to the fact that I bore children as a teenager, I spent most of my young adfult life as a welfare recipient, this was done alone with a slew of different men that I tried to place in the fahter figure head of the house hold role with no avail.
I ran into two types of black men out there, losers and winners,the winners usually had it together but found it too hard to step in to take another man’s responsibility of three children, it simply was not what thye wanted, I respect that. Then I was left with the losers that did nothing and did not care as long as i took care of them right along with my kids. I find that a lot of black men have the “Single Mother Syndrone” I am guilty of it myself, we as single mothers are not always as in tune as we would like to think “Strong black women” don’t always know how to raise “Strong Black Men” without a father in the houshold to put the smack down, excues my Ghetto term but this in turn causes single women to feel guilty that they did not have a father in their son’s life to put the smack down so we try to make up and overcompenate doing every little thing for our son’s and not making them be as accountable for their actions as we would if we had help or a stronger presence in the home. This carries over into adulthood the boys are used to woman doing everything for them, never did see dad take care of mom. This causes young black men to expect woman to do everything for them when they grow up, they never saw a man’s role, in essence what is happening even in two parent houshold where the mother is the bread winner and dad stays home it perpetuates itself in a role reversal, if this is an okay standard for people to live by then by all means go right ahead and keep teaching these men to depend on woman. My opinion of the matter is if we keep this pattern up we will have too many Black men on their way to prison . Woman need to stop stripping men of the manhood that is the Godgiven birth right and stay in their place as the helpmate or we will have an entire generation of slack off men that depend on woman for everything, Black white asian or any color of the rainbow.