While many are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, also known as the love chapter of the Bible, too few realize that there is a special gem of blessing within the Greek regarding love as they read its verses. I, and others who attended in the 1970’s Northeast Bible Institute (NBI), Green Lane, Pennsylvania, were introduced to some of these jewels by our instructor in Greek, the late Hobart Grazier.

Brother Grazier taught a whole course on the epistles to the Corinthians, and because NBI was an Assembly of God school, there was special emphasis upon the gifts and operations of the Holy Spirit as described in 1 Corinthians.

The twelfth chapter of 1 Corinthians essentially describes the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and the fourteenth chapter places a focus upon the correct operation of the gifts of tongues, interpretation of tongues, and prophecy. In the midst is the thirteenth chapter where the Holy Spirit insists that the operation of the gifts be done in love.

In the New Testament, two Greek words are used for our word love. One is phileo (fill-lay-oh) and the other is agape (ah-gah-pay). I discussed these words, along with eros, some months ago in my article titled, A Little-known Element for Endurance in Marriage.

There I note that agape must be the primary love in marriage. Agape comes from one’s will, and not their emotions. It has also been described as unconditional and sacrificial. Agape is sometimes translated in the King James Version as charity. Though charity to many today means giving, centuries ago it conveyed the idea of love from one’s will.

Stego: A Dynamic Force of Agape Love

While 1 Corinthians 13 was primarily intended to promote the proper operation of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, much of what it says can be applied to marriage. Quite helpful is the first phrase of verse seven, that love “bears all things.” The word for bear is from the Greek word, stego, pronounced stay-goh.

According to Thayer’s Greek-English Lexicon it can mean the following:

1. To protect, to keep by covering, to preserve.

2. To cover with silence; to keep secret; to hide, conceal.

3. By covering to keep off something which threatens, to bear up against, to hold out against, and so to endure, forbear, bear.

Its usage in verse seven leans heavily toward the third description. I recall brother Grazier stating during class that when the Greeks wanted to give a boat a good water seal, they would “stego” it with tar or pitch, outside and inside.

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Thus, one who activates the love of God (agape) within themselves will endeavor to actively protect their relationships from outside influences and inward disturbances. This is imperative for our relationship with our spouse.

The Internal Shield

Satan, along with society in general, has attacked marriage on several fronts. Among other things, the availability for a married person to flirt incognito has increased with the advancement of technology, ranging from text messaging to all sorts of Internet usage. In many cases, both spouses have to work outside the home, adding both stress and temptations in their lives.

While I could present more negative scenarios, it is best to focus upon the positive protection available in the stego of agape that we can have if we accept the grace of God.

Remember that agape love flows from the will and not from one’s emotions. And the best foundation for that will is to be immersed with the mind of Christ (see Romans 12:1-2).

As we read the Holy Scriptures we see God wills to have faithfulness and caring love in marriage along with purity in body, soul and spirit. With that in mind, we should ask God to make our will like His will.

Armed with His will, with His agape love in us we will purposely put up a shield against temptation, stress, impurities and other things that would weaken our relationship with our spouse.

Though temptation can be tantalizing at times, we must constantly affirm our love for God. In so doing, it is easier to protect our love for our spouse for, if we are determined out of love not to sin against God, we will be determined not sin against our spouse. This determination helps to form the stego we need as a shield.

Our thought life is a good place to start developing stego. While we might rationalize that no one except God knows what we are thinking, dwelling upon the impure damages us spiritually and weakens our relationship with our spouse. When an impure thought ventures into your mind, immediately and purposely think upon something good and pure (Philippians 4:8). Begin to worship God. Reading the Word of God also helps to wash impurities away.

If one activates stego for these so-called small, hidden things, they will eventually become more apt to put up the same line of defense against external attacks like flirtations.

“Friendly” Invitations

Married people should readily indicate they are married. For example, if a co-worker or friend of the opposite gender asks you to go somewhere with them on a trip without mentioning bringing your spouse along, regardless of how innocent the proposal may seem, the wisdom of God within us should detect that this is a situation that we need to avoid at all costs. Immediately stego your marriage by stating your spouse should go along with you. If the person persists, immediately tell them it is not right in the eyes of God for you to be with someone else other than your spouse in such situations. Do not keep that conversation going. To do so may imply to the other person you might just consider the thought of being with someone else other than your spouse. Outright tell them you are married and you are not going to behave in such a manner or even discuss the issue.

And here are some Scriptural reasons why it is not right to even carry on such a conversation, let alone follow through with the request:

• “Abstain from all appearance of evil,” 1 Thessalonians 5:22. If you are Christian, why give anyone a chance to attempt to find a reason to discredit Christianity?
• “Neither give place to the devil,” Ephesians 4:27. The door opens wider for sin to enter each moment we delay in directly, firmly and clearly saying “no.”
• “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life,” Proverbs 4:23. If we are truly Christian we should constantly keep in mind we must daily die to our self and let Christ live through us.

Following the above verses activates the stego of our agape for our relationship with God and our spouse.

Close Working Conditions

To cut financial corners, some places of business are designed in such a way that the working area for employees is cramp. I imagine someone came up with the idea that if square footage is reduced it saves time moving things and people from point “A” to “B.” Regardless, do not fall into the trap of thinking that continuous bumping, body brushing, or any physical contact is innocent and normal. Make an effort to keep your distance and, by the direction of God, let others know they need to keep their distance.

Some More Ways to Put Stego into Action

Sitting at a table with others and someone’s leg or foot touches yours? Move your’s immediately. Others have failed to do this, yielded to the flirting, and soon had trouble in their marriage.

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Use your wedding ring as a tool to ward off flirtations. Wear it. Let it show. In the mid 1970’s I served as a counselor at a children’s camp. There was a chapel service every day. I noticed that each day when I escorted my group of boys to chapel, a female counselor with her group was right behind mine, and sat behind us in chapel. This continued for a few days. So, during chapel, I placed my left hand on the top of the pew I was sitting on and drummed my fingers, making sure my ring was visible. The lady got the message and discontinued her pursuit.

When it comes to kissing, my personal standard is I kiss only relatives, and only my wife gets it on the lips. Some churches practice “greet each other with a holy kiss.” What needs to be kept in mind is that most congregations in New Testament times were segregated, the males in one area and the females in another. The kiss for a mutual brother or sister in Christ was the same as our handshake today in many parts of the world. Given the verses above (1 Thessalonians 5:22 and Ephesians 4:27), I am sure that there was no intent by the Holy Spirit through the Apostle Paul to indicate that the practice of kissing during a church service was meant to be cross-gender. And I am also sure that the Apostle, given the sinful condition of today’s society, would tell us a handshake would be better in our times. Even within the Church a truly holy kiss would be quite rare.

If one considers these precautions prudish, I would respectfully suggest they check their relationship with God. I would rather be called a prude (which has happened) and sustain the displeasure of man, than open the door to compromise and sin, displeasing my heavenly Father and hurting my spouse.

Stego and Stress

Stress can be another factor that can damage our relationship with our spouse. Things like finances, employment or lack of employment, relatives, and habits can bring agitation to anyone that grows into pressure that might be eventually vented upon our spouse. Satan and our sinful flesh team up to magnify a situation to a point where we target our spouse for our frustrations.

Ask God to make your spiritual ears very sensitive to His voice. Make an effort to think like Christ and condition your conscience to hear from His Holy Spirit. Also ask God to give you a spiritual nudge to activate within you the stego of His love.

For many people, this procedure is not easy to follow and oftentimes they fail, permitting stress to unleash anger toward their spouse. Most times we learn best by repeatedly trying. So if you fail, ask God and your spouse to forgive you, and continue to pray as suggested in the previous paragraph. Gradually you will grow in the ability to discern how to handle your stress as well as in activating the stego within you to prevent making your spouse a target.

Stego and Impurities

If impurity touches you, do not share it with your spouse. Bring it immediately to the Lord and ask Him to cleanse you.

The Lord dealt with me on this issue some years ago. Though a pastor, many times I have had to supplement my income by working in a secular job. As it happens to many of us, we hear or see things at work that are spiritually unclean. For example, there were times a fellow worker would tell me a dirty joke, even though I told him I did not want to hear it. The worker, of course, ignored my request and quickly spilled out their filth. I had a habit of telling my wife everything that happened at work, including such situations. However, one day my conscience sensed God’s Holy Spirit telling me not to repeat the jokes to Dorcas to “get them off my mind,” but rather to bring my mind to Him to have it cleansed. Why should I endanger my spouse with possible spiritual infection? She is just as human as I am. Christ is the only victorious person and therefore a great High Priest.

This is not to say we should keep from our spouse any other problems we might encounter with temptations at work unless God, and only God, tells us we should. This might be true, for example, in cases where the emotional, mental, or spiritual condition of our spouse is quite fragile. In such a case, if God so leads, tell a trusted true Christian friend that is the same gender you are so you both pray that you will grow in the grace of God and in the sensitivity of hearing His Holy Spirit.

Be Determined to Defend

Though I, as any author, am limited in knowing all possible ways one’s marriage might come under attack, God is not limited. He knows all, including every situation we will meet in the future.

More important is the fact that He has made adequate provision in His Son for us to do the right thing, providing that His Son truly lives within us and we permit Christ to live through us.

If we truly love God and our spouse, we should feast upon His written Word and desire within us the overflowing filling of His Holy Spirit.

I feel led by the Holy Spirit to conclude this article with a prayer one might use. I am presenting it only as a guide. I encourage you to sincerely pray to God through Christ from your heart using your own words.

“Father, I thank You that You are the God of holy love, pure and mighty. I ask that You cleanse me thoroughly. Forgive me where I have sinned, where I have come short. I ask that Your Son, Jesus Christ, truly live through me and that my love for You may increase. Cause my love for my husband/wife to also increase. Quicken my conscience to hear Your voice and strengthen my inner man so I may be quick to raise a shield when anything tries to weaken my love for You or my spouse. I thank You for what Your Son has done for me, my spouse and my family. Worthy are You and worthy is the Lamb to receive praise, adoration, love, and honor. I Jesus’ precious Name I pray. Amen.”