A Friend Who Lost a Part of Her Heart

GREIVING PERIOD – Allow your friend to be able to cry out the pain, grieve freely and completely. Don’t be one of those insensitive friends who advise people to just “get over it”. More than before, your friend will need you to understand. Give her time and space to grieve while at the same time being there for her.

REMENISCE – Allow her to recall and share her cherished memories with her loved one whom she just loss. Listen in and let her know you are listening. When death comes and we lose people so dear to us, we fear that someday we might fail to remember them. Having them talk about the memories she had with her mother, will be like being able to imprint those memories. Keep your own stories at a minimum and be able to listen intently.

AVOID ISOLATION – As a friend, you should not let them grieve alone when you can be there for them. They will already have enough grieving alone to deal with at night before they go to bed. Allowing them to grieve alone more often than they should, might only lead them on a downward spiral and plunge them into deep depression. Keeping in good contact with your friend with daily visits or calls, asking them how they are, and just keeping them company- these will keep them from slipping out of reality. You should not be an intrusive friend, but more importantly, don’t be a passive one either. Make yourself available when they need you, if they want to talk, go out, or just hang.

EASE THE DAILY LOAD – As a friend, you can also offer other ways of helping aside from the emotional support. A simple preparing the meal, helping her run errands, shopping, doing little household duties will help. In going through a loss, there is a tendency that one will forget his or her duties and will also forget to take care of him or herself.

HEALING PROCESS – Once every one has left, the wake is over, the body is buried- there is a sudden let down feeling. Be there for your friend when everyone else has gone. When the wake and funeral is over, most of the times, there comes a feeling of being slapped back to reality- that you have lost your loved one. Do not agree with your friend facing emptiness alone. As he or she slowly heals, be there to assist him or her through the process to keep her from slipping back and sulking again.

And finally, when all this is over and they are able to live there life (somehow) like before, be the same friend you were to them before the loss, the grief, and sorrow. Do not hold back sharing laughter and fun with your friend, it might in fact help them have things fall back to their old places. Do not also pressure them into getting things back the way they were used to, but instead offer opportunities which she can take when ready.