A Little-known Element for Endurance in Marriage

“Agape” in Focus

By “agape,” one willfully and, at times, sacrificially loves their spouse, even when the lower forms of love might cause us to think our spouse cannot be loved. Hence, the highest love is there and remains, in sickness and in health, richer or poorer, for better or for worse — unto physical death.

Though “agape” should be in marriage, it must start well before marriage, and way before “phileo” becomes powerful.

In other words, put all emotion “on hold,” so you might view a prospective spouse objectively and then make a decision to increase the “agape” toward that person in such a way it controls your emotions.

Laying emotions aside, dating couples should be candid with each other in regard to their human frailties whether they be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual short comings.

Ask yourself are you willing to love that person as they age and change. Is their personality one that will work with your’s as you both face the challenges that will undoubtedly come your way if you marry?

Make these decisions a matter of prayer, guided by the Holy Spirit. Of most importance is knowing personally, being totally committed to, Jesus Christ.

A Sure Foundation, a Sure Structure

Christ needs to be the foundation in every marriage. Upon that foundation, “agape” must first be laid. “Phileo” should be placed next, then “eros.” This makes for a solid structure, as I have illustrated below, with the table representing Christ, the Holy Bible for “agape,” a book for “phileo,” and a bottle for “eros.”

As you see, the largest of the objects supported by the table is the Holy Bible, the smallest being the bottle. The same should be true in marriage, that “agape” is the greatest of the loves while “eros” is the least. The order of the objects is also important, illustrating “agape” comes first, “phileo” next, and “eros” last for a solid structure.

Incorrect Order Welcomes Disorder

Though husband and wife may be true Christians, there are times many of us get these elements out of order. If we place these things in any other order, an unstable structure is created, as illustrated below with just one possibility.

As you see, there is a chance of trouble with “agape” in second place, even though “eros” remains last.

Imagine how unstable this structure would be if the bottle, representing “eros,” would be first! Hence, never make sexual satisfaction a focus in marriage.

“Agape” is a Must

“Agape” is an indispensable element for endurance in marriage. It needs to be present and active even before marriage.

If it is lacking, or you feel you need more, the Holy Bible encourages us to ask God for such good gifts. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” — James 1:17

If you apply “agape” in the Person and strength of Christ, you will enjoy decades of marital bliss until “death do you part.”

Above: In 1992 members of the C. H. Yoder family celebrated the 50th anniversary of their parents, Rhoda and Crist Harvey Yoder.