A Lover’s Manifesto
by Lover’s Manifesto is a declaration of what it takes to make any relationship work and become a lasting, stronger force against the fear and doubt that nag so many.
We who desire to find a lover, a mate, a friend, or a companion either here or in any other venue of our varied lives, have certain things in common. We wish to be, for them, exemplary manifestations of what love is, how it translates practically into
daily existence and living, and how it transforms ordinary relational interactions into genuine deeply caring meaningful intercourse with another.
It is not an impossible task. We can do this in the simplest of ways, by being thoughtful, attentive and emotionally present.
To that end, we will make an effort to:
1. Recognize the importance of the relationship in our lives by speaking it to the other.
2. Share what we have, whether it be financial, physical or emotional.
3. Show our affection for the other, publicly and privately, by engaging in activities which display affection consistent with our culture–kissing, touching and listening.
4. Support the other in his/her endeavors by encouraging them, participating with them or by being a sounding board for them.
5. Maintain the relationship by engaging in it wholeheartedly and by being open for the surprises that come with discovery.
6. Extend the relationship by being one who learns, grows, is active and curious about the world and the person to whom we have made a commitment.
7. Honor the commitment we have made in every possible way, not only with the lover but with his/her friends and family.
8. Remember that we can only know ourselves and honor ourselves in the context of the relationship which we have made primary in our lives.
9. Be honest in all of our relationships with all people.
10. Connect and reconnect frequently with the one we love.
It is in these ways that we are and become mature, thoughtful lovers and friends who are ready for and can make a commitment to a lasting and loving relationship. In the previous blog, I tried to make a case for a way to live lovingly with a significant other. It IS possible, and if one is thoughtful and self-reflective, it is relatively simple. That we struggle with it is a reflection of our own feelings about ourselves and the ways we have been treated in the past. But I do honestly believe that we can and have to break free of that way of thinking.
(It was correctly pointed out that an additional element be described. We should always make an effort to compromise with the other, when it is necessary, with the understanding that it will be done without loss of integrity or feelings of submission to another).
Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browning were lovers and poets without peer in the 19th century. Their poems to each other are wonderfully descriptive of the ways in which we can see each other as human beings, as lovers, friends, mates and companions. It is in the little things, always the little things, that love is most real and is felt most keenly.
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