Accepting Pain

Accepting what isn’t truly acceptable for the sake of continuing in a relationship is just plain BAD for you.

The continual acceptance of the unacceptable destroys self esteem. It sends you a message that what you really want isn’t important and has no value. That what feels bad and hurts you is your problem even if it’s coming from an outside source. That there is no real choice for you because you cannot find the courage to communicate.  A message that screams “I don’t deserve happiness”. A message that you send to yourself. And, that is the message that the people in your life get from you, about you. What you want doesn’t matter to anyone unless it matters to you. Matters enough that you take the time to identify it, and have the courage and respect for yourself to ask for it.

You destroy your own sense of self when you accept pain without a whimper. Your foundation, the place where all you have to offer this world comes from, is compromised by this acceptance. It’s a painful way to live. It involves lying and pretending and convincing yourself that what feels bad is temporary, or finding a way to lower your expectations for your joy in living your life.  Feeling bad and continually coping with that becomes a way of life. You don’t ever raise the bar…you continually lower it.

How low can you go?

Another person doesn’t make you accept pain. No relationship forces you to stay involved or to give up what is truly important to you. The responsibility is 100% yours. Own that. It is in that owning that you have opportunity to get your personal power back where it belongs…..within you.

I spent 10 years in a relationship that I felt robbed me of so much of the beauty of life almost every day. I was half present, living in a state of shut down, going through the motions that I needed to in order to fake living my life. Inside I was empty, altering between intense pain and numbness. Trapped. The relationship didn’t do that to me. The man I was with didn’t either. I did it by staying involved. By choosing to continue to deny who I was for the sake of a relationship that made me hurt. To beat myself to the ground and to be beaten by my choices. To punish myself for not being stronger and by doing so reaffirm my weakness and insignificance. To hurt myself over and over and over. My choice. It’s all a choice. Your choice.

There is no getting back time. Life goes so fast. It’s all so precious. Care for your moments. Don’t be afraid to put your hand up and say, “This hurts me”. That hand in the air is preserving your right to say no to what brings you pain. You send a message to yourself that you do have a choice, and that this pain is not that choice.  The world supports you in that decision. Nobody messes with a superhero.

You are your very own superhero.