After Divorce, Moving on to a New Life

Whatever the reasons for the divorce, the world you inhabit is different and the landmarks need to be relearnt.  This is a time when the need to balance the inner self with the needs of others in the family can become a tricky.  Change is always unsettling and can be unnerving until readjustments are made.

Because of the move from being one of a couple with someone to discuss issues with and from whom there might be emotional support, to being on one’s own, it is vital to encourage positive thinking.  This is not Mary Poppins but an essential survival aid.  It involves the need to believe you can do what is necessary, perhaps even follow some dreams. Belief in self is important even if the divorce was not of your choosing and you are in pieces. Survive you will and being kind to yourself will make it easier. It just takes some of us a little longer to learn how to deal with new situations.

Financial matters will be different and understanding what income you have and how to allocate it sounds elementary, but it’s easy in the turmoil of the new life style to lose track, especially if you were not the one to deal with the money before. Even the most disorganized person will feel safer and more secure if they know what is going on with their cash. This can be an area even worse than the loneliness. 

For some there is shame in being divorced, others will only feel relief; again individual temperament and circumstances will effect reactions.  Whatever the situation, it is the lucky person who has a support network of family and friends.  Not everyone has and that can make the changes harder to deal with.  Pride has taken a hit and need bolstering at times. When you thought you had a lifetime commitment which has disintegrated it can be an uncomfortable experience.  There are times when it feels right to be open with someone else about difficulties and it’s knowing who is safe to talk to and how far to go with the turmoil of emotions surging round that requires careful judgement. It’s a balancing act.  Sometimes an outsider, like a counsellor, is safest when the initial chaos has calmed down. 

Being able to see the ridiculous and expressing frustrations with humor can help to diffuse awkward times.  When things are tense it’s hard to make light of them but humor allows some very bitter and silly frustrations to be expressed. More than one comedian has had a successful career expressing their angst this way.