Am I Too Old to Fall in Love?

Am I too old?  Nonsense. Hogwash. Pffui. Baloney. Phooey. (Did you like it?)

I’m 68, single male, strong (well, a few crinkles here and there) and very much able to love a woman and make her happy. The only problem is: women my age do not tickle my hormones (what’s left of them, anyway, my hormones, not women.). What’s an old man (or woman, for that matter), to do?

Bars do not appeal to me; lots of cancer-causing smoke, unpleasant smells and a few foul-mouthed drunkards. Plus the women there are, to put it diplomatically, a bit too aggressive. Hey, I still have some of my looks, minus the hair on top, but look at Bruce Willis, he isn’t doing badly with the other sex, is he? So where to find the ideal companion?

Once I went on a cruise, thinking that I would find the sophisticated lady of my dreams. Alas. Nothing but old folks, just like me. Grandmas and grandpas with silver hair (or no hair), generous beer bellies on the guys and abundant flesh on the ladies. Besides, most of them took advantage of free booze and missed the beautiful Caribbean sights. Talk of higher culture..

I don’t consider myself as an intellectual, but I do hit the books from time to time and watch the History Channel. I appreciate classical and folksy music, can’t stand rap, and love Europe. Those French ladies don’t seem to get fat, how do they do it? No, forget it, I won’t marry a European; the cultural gap is too great. Are you kidding?

On the other hand, a friend of mine (59 years old) took a trip to Russia and met that wonderful lady (41), divorced with a daughter. I saw the pictures; she is very good looking, the classy type. They had trouble communicating (she did not speak English), but when you know Russian, English is no problem. She took lessons for 6 months and now sustains long conversations on the phone (they are waiting for her visa). So maybe that’s the ticket for me? OK. OK. I mentioned the cultural gap before; but Russians women are different. They don’t expect the moon and the stars (Or is it the opposite?). They are old-fashioned in a good sense; besides, they love America.

Another friend (62) went directly to a specialized agency; within a month, they had 5 (younger) Asian women anxious to meet him. That was 5 years ago. He now lives happily with his Philippino wife (she is 38). They have 2 children.

Does that mean that older American women and men have to go to the other side of the world to find happiness? Of course not. These are just a few examples of senior citizens who got lucky. Beware the lure of the green card; once they get it, it’s good-bye.

I guess I’ll visit these book clubs, or school events (lots of good-looking widows or divorced moms), or impress the ladies at the local gym (Yeah, right.). Meanwhile, I’ll enjoy my solitude dreaming of Raquel Welch, Sofia Loren, watching “Grumpy Old Men” for the nth time.