Anger

Anger is a healthy emotion when one is aware of what she makes us live.

It is important to always realize that we are angry that against oneself, or that a person triggers anger here comes from false beliefs about ourselves, past unresolved situations that make us relive the same kind of situation repeated. It is therefore important, before spitting out his anger on someone, to stop, breathe and find in themselves the real reason for this anger.

I am not talking about the drive back, beware! It is important to express anger but in good conscience, because otherwise you can injure and even destroy a relationship. Indeed, the words expressed when one is angry reaction may not be the actual words we would say to another person. Also, it could drain an anger that does not belong to the person who we called the strike by saying words that are beyond our thoughts and the situation.

Something

When we feel we mustard up the nose and we just want to gut the person, it is good to breathe some time to let us down a little calm in the storm of emotions that overwhelms us before appoint, as calmly as possible, the real things that make us angry in this situation or person. This is what calls the “healthy anger management.” It has not repressed, it was simply expressed as speaking “I” and by naming this really what we did to get angry.

Example:

A person asking you the same question for the third time. You’re focused on completing work quickly and the person you hate. You have the choice to say:

- It’s the third time you ask me, you have not yet realized that I have to work?! in a tone of anger.

OR, in a more calm and speaking in “I”:

- Look, I’m working on a document to be delivered quickly. The fact that you ask me three times the same question bothers me a lot and I feel I’m starting to get angry, which will not help the situation. I would appreciate if you respect me in my work. We can talk later, if you will.

Speaking in “I” without discharging the anger on the person, it could understand and appreciate your intervention, where she feels respected (you do not reject as you see him proposing to his question with her later) rather she too is angry at the risk of inflaming the situation.

Dominique Jeanneret is a psychotherapist in Quebec City. 
She hosts the blogs Way of Life and Successful Life that offer hundreds of articles, thoughts and inspiring images.