Are You in Love or in Lust?

Society confuses love and lust because of the strong emotions attached to both.  Love unlike lust is however directed outwardly towards another while lust is directed inwards towards self. True love is utterly unselfish and goes against our natural inclinations. Most relationships are based on lust and that is why they cannot last because after lust has been assuaged there is nothing to hold the relationship together. Most people are in a relationship for what they can get out of it and not for what they can give. This is not only in material terms; for some people it is the sex, others want the other person to take care of their emotional needs and for others it is the lust of money.

So what is lust?

Lust as concerns human relationships is an inappropriate sexual desire. Lust can be identified when the desire becomes a preoccupation to a point of affecting your perspective on everything else. Jesus taught that “whoever looks at a woman to lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” Mathew 5:28. This is because lust makes you imagine the possibility of your desire and in effect starts working towards make it real.  

Amnon, David’s eldest son had such feelings for his half sister Tamar that “he was so distressed over his sister — that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her” 2 Samuel 13: 2. His cousin, Jonadab, convinced him to trick Tamar into coming to his room and in the process carry out his desires.When he asked Tamar to have sex with him she answered “no my brother, do not force me, for no such thing is to be done in Israel. Do not do this disgusting thing! — However he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her” 2 Samuel 13:12-14.

Lust as evidenced in Amnon’s case insists on having its way unlike love which is patient. Lust will act on instinct while Love will set aside her own desires. Lust is not interested in a relationship while love thrives in a relationship. Tamar asked her brother to ask their father for her marriage and that way what he desired of her would be actualized. Amnon was not interested in a relationship since his desire for her was based on lust, (2 Samuel 13:13).