Are You in Love or in Lust?

After raping Tamar Amnon, “hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her” 2 Samuel 13:15. It is evident from his reaction that lust has a way   making one blind and only after the lust has passed does one understand the full implication of their action. Unfortunately lust will keep on demanding its way and may eventually lead to destruction.

How many people swing from one relationship to another seeking an illusion that their desire never seem to quench. Every time they think they are in love but after the lust has been satisfied they move on still searching. This is what led to Solomon’s destruction even though he was a man full of wisdom. Because he could not control his lust he ended up with “seven hundred wives, princesses and three hundred concubines” 1 Kings 11:3.

What is Love?

True love can only be established in God as we become more Christ like. As we draw near to Him we learn to set aside our own desires and instincts. We learn to give love without expecting anything in return. When both parties start focusing on pleasing each other as opposed to getting something out of the relationship then they challenge each other to love.  What we sow is what we reap, even in love.

Real Love is a choice not a feeling. Loving is an act of will, motivated and guided by intelligent choice that result in conscious awareness. Complete mature love will include not only your mind but also your body and spirit. Love between two consenting adults is conditional by nature. It requires appropriate mature behavior. The erotic force gives our spirit a taste of union and ignites a longing for love. Eros dissolves our defenses giving the opportunity to connect at a deeper and more intimate level.

If our spirit has prepared a foundation upon which to build a loving relationship eros can link men and women in a profound and sacred union. Scripture teaches that the union creates a oneness in the couple (Genesis 2:24). Without the taste of eros, the desire for genuine and enduring love would remain hidden in the depth of our souls, prevented from expression by a fear of truly loving and being loved. 

Eros rekindles an awareness of longing for connection with another being and it is possible to have eros without sex. The erotic desires that come with eros can be satisfied in other ways including late night talks on the phone, romantic email, long walks on the beach and sensual touching and kissing without intercourse. 

The deepest, most satisfying sex occurs with a person with whom you have made a commitment to love and who has made one to you in return. Scripture clearly reveals that God limits sex to a marriage relationship. Sex outside of marriage destroys relationships while sex within marriage, coupled with the with the right attitude,  can be a relationship builder.