Arguments and Relationships

There’s no doubt about it: arguments, if properly and effectively carried out, can strengthen and evolve a relationship. However, if arguments become disrespectful, violent or malicious, they will bring a relationship to its knees and eventually to its death (sometimes prematurely).

Arguments can be good for any relationship. There are just a few rules that need to be followed so that the final outcome will be one that will advance the relationship instead of cripple it. Remember, just because you’re in the middle of an argument, it does not mean that you get a free pass to yell, call names, disrespect or give low blows. An argument is simply a difference of opinion. Unfortunately, because human nature gets in the way, it is very hard to control our emotions during an argument, and we give in to the adrenaline rush we feel when challenged. That’s when the nasty comes out.

I speak from experience when I say that resorting to name-calling and low blows will not only turn your stomach but also want to make you turn your back. To the other person and to the relationship itself. I have been at the receiving end of such arguments. And while I used to yell and curse like a sailor, I stopped immediately after the other party let me know how much it hurts them when I do that. It wasn’t easy to make that change, I had fought that way my entire life. But I wanted to have a successful relationship. Unfortunately, the other person didn’t think the same rules applied to him and he continued to disrespect, low-blow and say some really malicious things to me, even after I begged him to work on controlling that kind of behavior during arguments. He promised to work on it but all I saw was a very minute change in how loud he was screaming.

Such lack of commitment to promises he made, as well as continued disrespect, forced me to eventually see him in a whole new light. And let me tell you, it wasn’t a halo above his head or golden rays of sunshine. Thoughts of leaving him started creeping in my mind and the more ineffective, frustrating arguments we had, the more I wanted to leave.

It took me a long time to leave though. Why? Because of the battle that had ensued between my head and my heart. I still had feelings for this person and when we weren’t fighting we could have a pretty good time. Also, our finances were joined and we lived together, which makes it harder to leave, from a financial point of view. But when I finally realized that I was lying to myself by trying to believe this relationship still had a chance, I finally said my good-byes.