Arguments and Relationships

Unfortunately, few people change because they truly want to change. You have to WANT to be a better person to your partner; respect and common courtesy should be second nature and you have to realize that hitting below the belt should never be done to someone you love because it will achieve nothing other than turn the other person bitter and resent you. Arguments should be held just like any other conversation: in a calm, level voice, with a combination of thought and feeling and with always keeping the other person’s opinion and feelings in mind at all times.

Bitter arguments will not only have a negative effect on your relationship, but they will also affect you physically. Studies show that during an argument, our heart rate and blood pressure goes up, which have an extremely unhealthy result on the body and mind: we become stressed, irritable, gain or lose weight, develop insomnia. No person is worth this if they don’t make those crucial changes to their communication style. Mental and emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. You will lose your self confidence, even if in the back of your mind you know you are a brilliant, confident individual. You will feel worthless, cheap and damaged. And that’s no way to live. If you have taken the time and tried to calmly and logically argue and you have asked for some positive changes to take place but the other person won’t budge, then they’re not worth sticking around for. You will build so much resentment and animosity towards the other person, that arguments and their negative effects will bleed into your quality of your life. You will find yourself remembering every detail of every argument and it will rob you of the ability to enjoy yourself, even when you’re not fighting.

My ex eventually realized his mistakes and wanted to make all the changes I had asked him to make so that our arguments would have a more positive outcome. But it was entirely too late. I had already left and he only wanted to make some changes so I would go back to him. By now though, my head had won the battle over my heart and rationality settled in. Even though I had forgiven him, the scars remained and I had too many for me to ever try walking hand-in-hand with him again. I needed time to heal and I did just that. Alone.

Every single one of us can change. It’s just a matter of us choosing to do so.

Life is all about making choices. Do we want to eat white bread or wheat? Do we want to have a fulfilling career or just make the most money possible? Do we want to develop the kind of communication style that will make for successful relationships, or do we want to give in to the personality traits we’ve developed over the years and just say “This is who I am, I can’t change” because it’s the easy way out? It’s all about making choices. Ask yourself what you want out of your relationships and you will make the right choice. And if the other person really, truly cares, then they will too. If that’s not the case, then just admit that you were dealt a bad hand and it’s time you free yourself of this relationship and try your hand at a new one. Fortunately, life always gives us another chance and if you had a losing hand last turn, maybe you’ll get a better one the next time you try.