Bat
Why you should never have an argument with a man in the deepest forest…
Which things can men and women have arguments about?
Correct! About anything! I think that there’s not a single topic in the world, men and women couldn’t agree to disagree. Personally I’m of the opinion that a certain divergence is healthy and it helps to obtain other points of view and therefore it’s beneficial to gain diversity of opinions. Nonetheless, there simply are some topics, being handled so differently by men and women that the only conclusion is to keep as separate as possible.
And once I also had to experience how fast one could end up being left alone after such a divergent expression of opinions…
I already had experienced several ways to enter into a fight (and some ways I could have even conceived), but my imagination could have never have thought of being left alone in a forest because of a topic called “bats”.
There could have been many ways to start the New Year, like sleeping the whole day, enjoying a relaxed day on the couch, endlessly watching TV… but no – mine started with receiving a phone call, telling me that a bat has settled down in male’s flat (who knows – maybe the poor little thing expected to enjoy a champagne brunch).
Ok – I have to admit that I had not thought that a 6′2 tall and 200 lbs heavy man would see a tremendously big problem in a bat. And even if, why on earth would he call me for help and to get rid of it, when being 10 miles away, especially at midday of the first day of the New Year??
When’s a man a man? When you watch movies and he is acting as if he was the hero himself when mimicking the beating, shooting, stabbing or whatever it takes to erase his opponent? When being in the business world of today and he needs to be a bit of a bully so that he will sign a new business contract? When he has to try hard not to cry while watching Bambi, Love Story or Dr. Schiwago..?
Yeah, men can be hard in taking a lot. But I had to realise not when putting away a bat.
After having obstinately refused to rush for help, but at least having given him the telephone number of the animal ambulance, I also gave him the advice not to touch the bat with bare hands, but rather to wear gloves as he could not know where the teeth of this cute little thing had been before. I believe the term “rabies” was mentioned – just to clarify where I was coming from.
Apparently this kind of help over the phone was not enough, as about an hour later, everybody of his family being available in the near neighbourhood gathered in his flat – precisely in his bed room where the cutie vampire slept – and they all discussed what to do and especially how to do it.
Please spare me to repeat all the short stories about his cousin’s bed room adventures with 25 bats in the same room, when having been to the Caribbean and how cute and lovely the little creatures had been. So of course such a bat was more of a pet but a pest and my “phobia” of them must have had its origin in some troublesome childhood. How else could you explain my ridiculous warning of bites and or even rabies?
Despite all that spoken courage I have to admit, that I was disappointed of their active courage. As they didn’t even want to harm a hair on its head or to scare it too much, they had to think about the whole operation “bat out of bed” carefully.
Believe it or not – the sooo cute little animal had only left the flat 3 (!) hours later and I’m convinced it was very grateful for its rescue which basically meant that it was thrown out of the window imagining January’s temperatures outside.
The really fascinating thing was that at the end of the day it was not the bat that was bad, but me (until today I have always asked myself why the supporting actors always end up being the villains).
Eventually, not the bat that was finally freezing its butt off somewhere outside, was in the centre of topics, but MY allegedly irrational fear of this animal and that I had really had the guts to suggest not to touch it with bare hands. Actually, I must have mistaken them with animals somewhere deep deep in the southern hemisphere (because that’s where I had once been for holidays) and there such bats would be like vampires and spreading diseases (All of a sudden? And what about the ones in the Caribbean??), but here in Europe such would not exist and the word rabies could only be found in an encyclopaedia.
Why then at least 4 people had to surround this harmless sucker and needed 3 hours to remove it and why I was disturbed during my new-years-day-nap – I can’t tell.
A really stunning turn of the whole story – which I had almost completely forgotten – occurred two weeks later, in the woods.
Let’s be honest, it is never a good idea to argue in public. I truly admit it. But trust me, it gives you the ultimate kick to do it in a forest – far away from any so-called civilisation, especially if you happen to be there for the first time.
As mentioned, fights between men and women are different. They mostly lack any kind of logic. You leave any level of objectivity when taking the first deep breath and plain emotions one hit your face with the first sentence.
Anyway, the absolute overkill was (and yet it was not enough that the topic “bat” in combination with wearing gloves was suddenly no reason for a weepy sound in his voice, but rather reason for true guffaws of laughter; and that from a person who wanted to have an urgent meeting with UN and NATO just to find a solution for this problem!), when I suggested that I would not interfere with his problem solving no more and that he would do better without my advice. That made him suddenly leaving me in a huff, being left alone in the forest, as he ran away like a frantic boar.
How comes that men are so good in turning the tables? How can they weep about something in one minute and laugh it off the next? Is it because they absolutely don’t want to admit, that they are also not impeccable and that they could also be in the weaker position for once and that somebody else (namely a woman) can also give a good advice every now and then?
When I tried to find my way out of the forest, looking for civilisation, while he had disappeared into the coppice, I made two new (years) resolutions: No 1 – never to pick up the phone on New Years Day again, No 2 – in case of doubt I would always prefer to choose the bat. The bat might be able to suck like Dracula, but at least it could never suck like this particular bloke…
Check out more funny (and true!) stories about men and women here:
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User Comments
Katien
On March 17, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Enjoyed the read. I think it is actually illegal now in the UK to touch a bat or move it out of your house. I wonder how he would have felt if he’d been told that he had to learn to live with it!
starrlove9
On April 1, 2009 at 8:40 am
I really enjoy reading your stories.
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