Beginners Guide To Niceness – First steps in how to think like a saint

by Almontadil in Relationships, October 25, 2006

Being nice is a difficult thing. This guide provides helpful hints on your road to being a deep down nice person.

Accepting

This is actually a very hard part of being nice. It’s very difficult to accept things done for you. The natural instinct is to say “No, let me do it”, but you must resist. Think of your own thing to do. Find something else. That person has gone to some trouble to find something to do for you. It may have been tricky for them to pluck up the courage to actually offer. It may be a routine thing, but it may not.

Wait until next time you see them and surprise them by doing something for them. It will make your relationship with them stronger.

Always accept gifts like they are a precious and thoughtful demonstration of love from the ones giving them to you. Even a plastic comedy reindeer shows that they think you’re a fun sort of guy.

Socialise

They say that misery loves company, but so does niceness. Take time to visit people who you know are sick. Take them a get well card, or just pop round to show that you are thinking of them. This will make them feel like you do actually care, and is just a nice thing to do. If they are horrendously contagious, it may be best to post their card or call them on the phone, but some form of contact shows people you care.

Generosity

It takes surprisingly little generosity to be considered generous. A present of some old gadget you used to use when you were a youngster, but has sat unwanted in your bottom drawer for years might be really appreciated by your best mate’s eldest child.

The thing about being generous is that you can only be considered generous if you give more than the recipient was expecting, and the easiest way for that is if that person is expecting nothing.

Silence

You can’t listen if you’re talking, or waiting for a gap so that you can say your piece. Listen to people carefully. They often unconsciously give out hints as to what would be a really nice thing to do for them. For example, they may mention some book that they have been trying to get hold of for ages that you have a copy of. You might want to offer to let them to borrow it.

Think before you speak. Hold your tongue when all you can think of is bad things to say. Search for something nice to say, and listen to the response.

Burning Out

Don’t overdo it. Make sure that you have time to yourself. Make sure that you treat yourself with respect, and don’t become a doormat. It is perfectly acceptable to refuse people’s requests and still be nice. Sometimes it is better for a person to have to do something themselves than have you do it. Recognise those people, if you can. Have their best interests at heart, and refuse to take over.

Remember that you have been told to “Love your neighbour as yourself”. In this is the implicit statement that you must love yourself. Not to the exclusion of other people, but as much as other people. If your love for other people is great, then your love of self should likewise be great. Be careful to keep the two in balance.

On one side lies a doormat, the other an egomaniac. Don’t fall off either side.

Finally

It is difficult to be nice all the time. No-one can sustain the level of effort needed 100% of the time, but like all things, it becomes easier with practice and the effort becomes less.

Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Do spontaneous things for other people for no reason.

Give freely and without thought of any reward.

Accept gifts gracefully.

Visit or call people to show them you care.

Think before you speak.

And above all, be humble. Treat others as you would like to be treated in an ideal world.