Best Friend or Best Foe – How to Make Your Relationship Work

Sometimes you may be overwhelmed by love, sometimes it is sheer hatred born out of frustration. Sometimes you are full of praise and sometimes full of expletives. Now, before you get me wrong on what I am talking about, let me explain that I am talking about the complex relationship of a husband and wife. I am not generalizing, but I speak for those who live together under one roof and feel the ‘Best friend-Best Foe’  syndrome.

Have you ever wondered why the concept of divorce exits only in the case of a husband and wife. For instance can we divorce our parents, siblings, friends?

Because no other relationship is so close, both physically and mentally, that we have to seek official intervention for separating. No other relationship can be as volatile as this. Books have been written, poems sung, movies made, and theories upon theories are being developed on how to maintain and cherish this complex relationship. But is there any one formula which works?? Well, there may not be just one formula but a concoction of several which may be the key to a happy and long lasting relationship.

Whether yours is a traditional/arranged marriage or one in which you had a beautiful courtship and then tied the knot, you will actually get to know each other only after you start living under one roof as man and wife. Once the tag of marriage is sealed in, the dynamics are totally different.

“Why are the shoes here?”

“Why is the house this way?”

“Cant you understand I am tired?”

Issues, as small as keeping things in place, receiving friends, food, cooking, money matters, kids, and almost anything under the sun can create differences. These differences if not resolved threaten to snowball into something bigger and may leave you wondering at the end – what triggered this?

Some Formulas – Trial and Error – Something may click for you!

Mind your language – Very essential, very important, especially if you want peace and happiness. Words are heavy weight stuff! Beware!

Add Sense of Humour – If your spouse is angry with you, try to say something to ease the situation. Keep the humor in your relationship alive most of the time, a couple which laughs together stays together. Watch something funny, say funny things, do funny things.

Don’t take things or words too personal – No need to get all sentimental and egoistic, learn to be forgiving, its not always about you, put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and try your best to understand, you will feel lighter.

You are not a Victim – Don’t feel victimised. You are not a victim and don’t let that go to your head and heart. Indulgence in self pity and inviting pity of others is not going to make you feel good eventually. Others pity may be temporary solace, but self pity does more harm than good. Will never let you see things with clarity.

Don’t cook up things in yourself till they come to a boiling point – Don’t go on a talking spree with yourself. Try to speak to someone who is non judgemental, who will just listen to you for listening sake. Lighten your heart. Talking to someone is mainly to clear your mind and make you feel better at the end of the conversation. Don’t speak to people who make you feel miserable in return.

Learn to cool down and relax – Well there is yoga, meditation, walking and many other things to take your mind off the hot topic. Let things cool down and don’t let some words lead into an argument and later into an ugly fight. Let the outburst of your spouse cool down fully, before you put up your side, for which a relaxed and cool mind will help leaps.

Give Space – Live and let live. Understand that your spouse is not your twin or blueprint. Live your differences and appreciate them and give space to each other.

All these and many more from your own experience should make your relationship with your spouse an easy and happy one. A Best Friend-Best Friend One!