Breakups: Dealing with The Mixed Emotions Afterwards
Lessons about breakups in relationships seems like old news. However, regardless of how well known the subject may be, people still have major problems when it comes to getting their emotions back on the right track.
AFTER THE BREAKUP
By YvonneG
Breaking up is hard to do and it’s likely that many of us, teenagers and adults alike, have experienced this problem. In fact, determining whether or not the breakup has actually happened is a subject within itself!
However, once it becomes clear that relationships are definitely over, we now have the awesome job of getting back on track and going on with our lives. Depending on the depth of the relationship, this could prove to be an extremely difficult task. Nonetheless, it’s a task that cannot be overlooked.
First and foremost, we MUST live through the hurt, confusion and all other mixed emotions that will no doubt be felt as a result of breakups. Most people know this has to be done so it almost seems pointless to say it. Except that doing this is easier said than done because the emotions we’re most likely to encounter, i.e., jealousy, resentment, anger, sadness, etc., are not the type of emotions we take pleasure in feeling. Thus, the initial tendency is to run away from it all. But all of you that have gone through breakups know that this is the worst thing we can do because these matters will NOT just magically go away by themselves. It’s not something to look forward to but we have no choice but to face up to our feelings no matter how bad or intense they may be. This is the biggest part of the healing process so know that this stage will take time to get through. We have to be prepared to give ourselves as much time as necessary to heal and it’s best we take this time before making any other major decisions in our lives. At the same time, we have to be careful not to allow ourselves to lapse into states of self-pity and/or self-alienation which could lock us into a negative state that stalls our growth as an individual.
Once we’ve passed through the trauma of our unsettled or devastated emotions, we should then take time to think about what happened in the relationship. This will require an objective look at the pivotal words and actions that were said and done during the relationship that caused serious setbacks and disconnections between the two people. For most of us, we know the major turning points and where they occurred, even if we were unable . . . or unwilling to admit it at the time. Once we’ve pinpointed these areas, it’s important that we stay away from blaming either ourselves or our former mate. What’s important is that we concentrate on deciphering where we may have done or said something wrong and admit it to ourselves. The focus here has to be on ourselves because even if the other person has done or said things that were obviously wrong, we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves.
Liked it
