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Burning Bridges

A dire situation where one enters a relationship without cutting ties with former soul mates, aspiring suitors, close friends.

When soldiers go to war,there are times they are compelled by their commanding officers to cross bridges as they retreat or advance to occupy new places and to burn those bridges down after crossing them.

This burning might serve several purposes;prevent the enemy from following them into the new place or prevent the men who have themselves crossed the bridge from deserting and running back across the bridge in the face of a fierce attack.It is an order that tells the men involved that they have no options;they must stay and fight for the land they have occupied,and sometimes to the death.This situation can be the same in relationships.

Often,we enter into new relationships and it seems it is the most beautiful thing in the world,the best place to be,yet for some reason,we are unable to burn our bridges completely and give our total commitment to the “new land” we have found.

We do not cut ties with former “soulmates”,aspiring suitors,`close friends’.We save them for a rainy day,for who knows what might lie across the bridge and the bridge is left intact for the day we might need to race across it in retreat.

Sometimes people leave their bridges unscathed without even realizing it,but it is left whole,nonetheless.In this matter,the person who has refused to destroy old bridges is either leaving an escape route (meaning he or she will not fight too hard for the new place) or is subtly permitting all his or her old ties to cross over when those ties finally make up their minds on what they want to do.The bridge that is left intact is in itself a message to whatever or whoever might have existed in the past that a chance still exists for the enemy’s activity.It doesn’t matter whether this is physical betrayal or an emotional one.Sometimes,betrayal is betrayal.

The problem that occurs in the matter of the bridges left intact is that a subliminal message is passed to all those who were once important in the life of the person in question.The message is that there is still room.It is a message that also indicates that your respect for partner is not total and predators;old and new ones will cross the bridge when the time comes,throwing your relationship into disarray.

If you notice the existence of a bridge in the life of your partner(some of them build mighty bridges with suspensions that divide so ships can pass under and then come together again),bring it to his or her attention and make it clear that there is a problem that needs to be resolved.Am not talking about bridges made of straw that cannot bear the weight of a man;the ones in the issue here are those built so firmly by structural engineers that earthquakes cannot shake.Calmly point out the complications,the existence of this bridge might cause in your lives,making it clear that a person who does not let go of the shore will never see new horizons.

If this person refuses to blow up the bridge,you cross that bridge yourself and burn it down behind you so that this disrespectful partner may never be able to cross over again to you.Drastic remedy,you may say?Yes there are no apologies for this recommendation,drastic situations require drastic remedies and the stakes are high-your heart.If true love still says the company of a former partner is where he or she needs to be to find rest,it’s time you do a rethink.Regard yourself with respect you should have and move on.

Someone would ask-’What if I burn my bridges and I find out too late that it is a bad place i am in and there is no way to get out?’

The mark of adulthood is that you pause to reflect before you step into any situation.It’s your life and you cannot hold another responsible for the position in which you find yourself.

Look carefully across the bridge before you cross over,and when you finally decide to walk across it,make up your mind it is coming down.For a relationship to work,there can be no alternatives,no options.

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