Communication in a Relationship

People always say that communication is key in a relationship. But how do you gain that communication with your partner?

The first step is to listen. Listen to the information given to you and hear it at heart. Let what she is saying really absorb into your brain and feel what she feels. Make sure when you listen that you are not judgmental but you are instead open and honest.

Speak in a way that the other person can not argue about. Basically, tell it like it is. For example, “I feel bad when you leave the house without saying goodbye”1 Both parts of this statement are facts.

Make sure you tell your partner how much you appreciate him/her. Have a ratio of 5:1 of appreciate:complain. Dont constantly complain to your partner; make sure he/she knows that they are appreciated. 

Instead of complaining about cleaning the house or bathing the children (or whatever), ask him to do it. Like if I clean the bedroom will you bathe the children? Here you are both compromising. 

Instead of blaming your partner for things he might have done or not done, just think first. Is it worth blaming him? Make sure you look at what you have been doing too that could be blamed. Dont always point the finger when you are also at fault. Fix your side and his/hers together. 

Just ask your partner what it is you want. Let him/her know what you are looking for or want from them. But do not always ask them for things. Give them things that you would like too so that you are giving and taking equally. If you clean the bathroom this week, hopefully he will clean the bathroom next week.

Do things together and have the plans set. If you go shopping together, he will pay for them but you will cook the meals eveyday. 

Do you really need what it is you want or will it cause another fight about money? Learn to be happy with want you have. Life isn’t all about material objects. 

Do not try to win a conversation but try to reach an understanding with your partner. Meeting in the middle should be the ultimate goal.

Make sure not to focus too much on what happened in the past because things in the past could start a fight when it isn’t something to worry about in the present. And if you just bring up things that happened in the past instead of talking about the issue at hand then the issue at hand will never get resolved because you will be talking about what happened in the past. Leave the past in the past.

If you find yourself arguing over something small and minor (or anything in general) and it is turning into something big, then take some space. Dont continue fighting but just tell your partner you don’t want to talk about this now or ask for your space. And don’t make a big deal if your partner says this to you.

If a conflict may arise and you just walk away from the conflict and don’t solve it, it will never be solved. Be patient and try hard to solve the problem at hand. Don’t question until the problem is solved.

When you are being criticized, do not get angry but take that into consideration and try to fix why your partner criticized you. If the words he/she are using hurts you just them him/her that you dont like being called that and ask if she could use different words. But listen to the criticizing and don’t get angry.

When you do something wrong you need to admit that what you did was wrong. Do not try to stick up for yourself but just own up and make it known what you did was wrong and you will make an effort to fix it!

Do not focus the whole problem on your partner but try to make it about you and how you do not like when he does certain things. Instead of making ““you statements” (“It’s your fault that we’re late”), try using “I statements” (“Being late makes me anxious”)”3

If you ever need help and are afraid to ask, ask anyway. Your partner should always be happy to help you out. If he just doesnt want to listen to your ideas to solve a conflict, do not be afraid to ask for help from a therapist to help your problems between each other get solved.