Consequences of Relationship Myths

There are many false beliefs that often cause us to make mistakes. It is generally easy to understand why these beliefs don’t work in healthy relationships. What is harder to see are their real consequences. We often cling to them because we have learned to expect a certain result.

We can avoid these problems by myth busting-learning to recognize and then redefining our false beliefs in terms of their real-world consequences. Instead of telling yourself the fairy tale-for example, “The more I give him, the more he will love me” – stop and remind yourself of the real outcome of your actions: “The more I give him, the less he will respect me.”

The Myth: Love demands that I give up my interests and friends and adopt his.

The Truth: If you lose your identity, he will lose interest.

Myth: I shouldn’t have to tell him what I want; if he loved me, he would know.

Truth: He will probably disappoint you if you don’t tell him how you feel, and what you want.

Myth: The more I give him, the more he will love me.

Truth: The more you give without reciprocation, the more he will take and ultimately lose respect for you.

Myth: I hold my anger in so I won’t hurt him.

Truth: Holding anger in instead of expressing it as it occurs causes you to explode or build resentments , which ultimately destroys the relationship.

Most people are in such denial about their own behavior that they lack the awareness to make changes. When we assert that our problems are not all our fault, we are correct to a certain degree. We go wrong when we begin thinking that not being completely at fault relieves us of the responsibility to do anything to correct the problem.

Any time you relinquish your responsibility, you throw away your power to control, influence, and change your life. You are the sole constant in every relationship you will ever have. Everyone and everything around you may be wrong, but until you change, nothing else will.