Convincing a Date You Aren’t Going to Be a Drag

One of the worst mistakes people make when dating is automatically assuming they are going to spend lots of time together as a couple. Even after one or two meetings, you’re hoping you’re heading into a relationship and start acting on that expectation.

This behaviour makes a potential partner straightaway fear you are going to be a dependent and needy person, spelling ”doomed” in their minds pretty well immediately.

Few people can tolerate a dependent date for long, even if they start out being flattered by the attention. It’s nice for a while to have someone always wanting your opinion on stuff, wanting to make joint decisions even if the issue at hand doesn’t really involve you, and all that holding hands and kissing.

But after a while, when that dependent date starts freaking out because their emotions are directly linked to what you are or aren’t doing for them (after all, this ”relationship” is all about them, even if they won’t or can’t admit it), the whole thing gets to be a drag. Time for a sharp exit.

There is another way, involving reassuring your new date that you are emotionally in control and you are an independent, thinking person. Someone who has a life and doesn’t derive their identity from what others think and say about them. This kind of attitude is fiercely attractive and will help you be the one who calls the shots in your current or next relationship.

Here are some ways to change the way you may be relating to dates and to stop baby relationships hitting the deck repetitively, after only a few dates.

Develop your independent spirit

It’s hard to stop worrying about what might happen, but so many promising situations are ruined by people getting anxious about what may or may not take place next. Stop analysing so much and enjoy the moment. Stop asking for views and opinions on what your date thinks and spend more time valuing what you yourself think.

Look at the funny side more often

So many weird and stressful conflicts can be diminished in size and importance by simply learning to laugh them off. Humour makes us feel good, helps us relate better to others and helps build relationships. Try it in situations where you would normally lose it, even if you don’t feel like it, and see. If you don’t get why you should laugh at important stuff, then start watching more comedy and work on relaxing more.

Get to Know the World Better

Focusing on how you feel all the time can be healthy, but it can also get obsessive and stop you seeing the bigger picture. Widen your interests and preoccupations, including what others in your life are doing, whether it’s family or friends. What social issues interest you and how can you use your beliefs to make a better world for others? When you stop spending so much time trapped inside your own head, all of a sudden you become a much cooler and attractive person.