Dating: A Ruse?

I grew up in a not-so-developed part of the world, in this part of the world, man liked woman, woman liked man and VOILA! A deal was in place. Of course, every girl wants to be treated like a princess and this went without saying too, the boy brought the flowers, the girl accepted the flowers and in dainty shy fashion, maybe even in between complex drawings on the floor using her toes, she said ‘yes, a date sounds amazing’ and a date is set. In these scenarios, it was an unspoken rule between the two that exclusivity was expected right from day one. There was no question in either’s mind about this, no perceived future date to decide if they were ‘going steady’ a term am still not quite adept with. A few months back, after coming to this strange and beautiful country, I was of course keen on a-culturalising myself as best as I could in the shortest time possible. Besides scenic visits to all the usual touristy places and a few short ‘one-step-learn-it-all-guides’ there was also the occasional dating and after an initial catastrophic couple of dates, and a harsh time of self doubt and self scrutiny, I have come to the conclusion that no, it is not I who is lacking or for that matter who is completely clueless on the dating topics. Instead, I have found that all there was to it is a different set of pre-existing insane rules, rules that are as most habit-borne patterns go, not written anywhere, just assumed to be innate. 

Problem is, am not sure if they are hilarious or mundanely outrageously ridiculous. In my previous pre-programmed way of dating, a date was a date was a date was a date. A date symbolized primarily a desire to spend time and life’s natty gravies with that one {singular being the key factor} person. When you went out on a date, u were saying to that person, am yours, am not seeing other men, I am not interested in other men and I am especially not sexually involved in other men. Now this does not mean that we do not go for coffee, dinner or even an evening out with other people, men or women alike, it was all platonic. If I was dating Tom, then Tom’s worries about me having coffee with Brian were about as marginal as me having coffee with Nancy my primary school classmate. Dating encompassed assumed exclusivity, everything else was happenstance, and it was during these happenstances that people met, people got to know each other, garnering enough interest to ask each other out. If they decided there was enough interest for both to pursue something else, then they dated and got to know each other a little better.