First, that marriage takes a lot of hard work and patience. In fairytales, everything ends happily ever after. In the real world, not everything is rosy. Everything that you want, you have to work hard for. That goes the same for marriage. If you want it to work, you just have to work hard at it. You cannot neglect marriage and hope things will work out in the end. What you sow, you reap.

Second, sometimes even if we work so hard at it, things just fall apart. Sometimes our efforts and good intentions fail us. It takes two to make the marriage work. If one party is doing all the hard work, then it is not marriage but one-man/woman show. Both parties must be willing to work hard and make the marriage work. Both parties must do their part. As long as both parties are willing to resolve things, there is hope. Once one of them gives up and becomes uncooperative, the battle is lost. Courtroom ruling only makes it formal. The battle is already lost when one partner gives up and does not do her/his part.

Third, communication is vital ingredient in marriage. Communication styles vary from person to person. Some people just find it hard to express themselves. Most often, this has something to do with gender. Men are generally more reserved when it comes to expressing their feelings. Women are more expressive and can readily communicate their thoughts. Therefore, women have to patient to be able to extract information from their men. They need to be creative to make communication effective.

Fourth, compromise is very important. In marriage, such as in life, there will always be conflicts. There will always be differing views on how they look at things. The impact of these differences could be lessened if both parties are willing to compromise and meet each other halfway. They must arrive at a solution that is comfortable to both parties. It isn’t good if the solution arrived at makes one party happy and the other unsatisfied. Whatever decision the spouses arrive at, it must address each other’s needs and concerns.

Fifth, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, divorce happens at all times to all kinds of couples. Longevity is not a guarantee that the couples will be together forever. That is why it is important not to take things for granted. Couples should try to inject romance into their everyday lives such as giving gifts even if there is no occasion, dining out, watching movies, etc. Anything to rekindle the romance would help.

Sixth, the kids are often at the losing end in a divorce. They are the innocent victims in this situation. More often than not, they have no choice over it. The parents should see to it that the divorce will not inflict so much pain to their children. They should make the children understand the situation. The must set aside selfish interests for the greater good of their children. For instance, they should refrain from quarreling or calling each other names in front of the children.

I think divorce is a very difficult phase in life. The best way for all the parties involved in the divorce is help each other cope. They will all go through the same angst, same emotions before the healing process can be completed. They might as well help each other ease the pain or make the transition as smooth as possible by being decent to each other especially for the couples. It is also important to refrain from trying to get even because this will only make things worse. Basically, it is important that feelings are soothed, kept in check and stress levels are kept to a minimum. It is good to cry or express the feelings sometimes but the anger or pain should not be directed to people because the situation is extremely volatile. Violence could easily erupt if feelings go haywire.

The important thing to remember is to separate your view of the person from the situation. “Love the sinner, hate their sins.” Divorce is a result of mistakes that compounded through the years. It is not due to a single error committed by any of the parties. Therefore, the husband and wife contributed to the problem. Divorce is bad but that doesn’t mean the couples are bad.