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Do Internet Relationships Ever Work?

Are you worried about a loved one pursuing an Internet relationship? Are you being made to feel foolish for pursuing an Internet relationship? Internet relationships can work and I’ll tell you how and why.

I have been making friends on the internet for almost 10 years now. Like people I’ve met in the “real world” – some of these friendships and/or romantic relationships have worked out – some haven’t. It depends largely on compatibility, honesty and loyalty just as it does in the “REAL WORLD”. I use the term “real world” largely due to the skepticism I (and many others) have had to endure from those who fear change or anything new and different. Let’s face it, meeting people on the internet is still in its infancy and therefore people still fear it when, in actual fact, it is laced with the same dangers as meeting people “out there somewhere”.

Why it’s frowned upon

People fear what they can’t see and, let’s face it, there are bad people out there disguising themselves in order to hurt people and the internet gives them that wonderful cloak of invisibility to do that. There is absolutely no dispute that there are risks involved in pursuing an internet relationship but no less than meeting people by any other means – they’re just different!

If someone is sick or perverted and their aim is to hurt people, they will find a way. The internet is merely one way they can try to achieve their goal. If I had to choose a way to be walked, I’d prefer it to be via the internet where I have some sort of control over my physical safety than to be followed home or observed from a neighbor’s roof top or one of the other myriad of methods stalkers use to hunt their prey!

How to achieve a successful relationship

Like any relationship, it all boils down to “compatibility”. I fear that when we’re young, we are attracted to that which is different in a person… and my philosophy is that that is the very reason so many relationships which are started in youth, fail. As we mature and get to know ourselves, we realize that it is the things that conflict with what we believe to be true and right that cause us to seek more like-minded people and we actually start to grow apart from those we were once attracted to.

This is not to say that it is not good to be mentally challenged. I believe this is completely different. I believe that it is our “core values” that drive whether or not we find a person to be:

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User Comments
  1. taylor blue

    On March 24, 2007 at 5:45 pm

    Hey there… I’m in an internet relationship too. We have been together for almost 7 years… It can work! But I’ve had my bad ones too!!!

  2. naomi

    On April 7, 2007 at 5:28 pm

    Great idea. Hopefully this information will help others out there who are confused about internet relationships. Keep us updated with any more information you may find usefull.
    Any other readers please give Sonya your support by commenting on her article or sending any information that you think may be usefull.

  3. Michelle

    On July 20, 2007 at 9:58 pm

    Hi there my names michelle. I have been in internet relationships but i’m in one currently and its going on a year. just like any relationship we have our ups and downs. To me it’s amazing how much you become so attached and fasinated through simple conversations. I love it. It’s all about honesty and determination.

  4. Melissa

    On October 25, 2007 at 8:32 am

    Thank you. This has just cleared up alot of doubt I have had.
    The guy I have been chatting to decided last night to tell me he is inlove with me and yes he has seen all sides to me and I wish to believe so have I from his side.I do believe that I love him but obviously need clarity.
    I will be meeting him in Dec as both of us can’t get off work and live two cities apart.
    I hope that things do not change between us after but even if it does I know for sure that I have been blessed with his presence in my life.

    I once again thank you, becuase of you I am no longer doubtful about he and I meeting.
    (we have been chatting for about a year and a half incase you were wondering)
    God Bless

  5. Lucy

    On March 21, 2008 at 4:39 am

    Thanks, this has just made me feel more comfortable. I was starting to think what i was feeling was wrong, but i feel better now, even if nothing happens i have the greatest friend i could possibly have.
    Like Michelle said it is amasing how attached and fasinated it is possible to become through simple conversations. I speak to my friend for about 800 mins a month (on phone, i get free phone calls to him aditional) but if you were to ask what we talk about… i have no idea… it just happens, were on the phone for a hour at a time. But whats actually said i dont have a clue but it means so much at the time…

  6. Julia

    On June 26, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    Thanks for clearing all those doubts up. Ive been in an internet relationship with an amazing guy for two years now and its been working great. Luckily we only live 4 hours away from eachother and have already met several times. Each time was better than the next and other than physical attraction we wanted emotional attraction. Everything that was said in here is exactly how we both feel.

  7. Jen

    On September 9, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    I met this guy online because I was “Prank Messaging” him. A few weeks later, we began to have normal conversations online. About school, the countries where we lived at and things like that. After that, we started talking on the phone once a week. We really got to know each other and it wasnt long before we realized we were in love. I am 19, he’s 18. He lives in Puerto Rico, I live in New jersey. A year later, I decided I was going to Puerto Rico to meet the guy of my dreams. Luckyly, I have family in Puerto Rico, so I had to lie to my mother as to the real reason why I wanted to go to Puerto Rico. Me and the guy were scared that everything was going to change once we get to see each other in person. We were afraid that we wouldn’t feel the same and that it would be awkward… And so the day came… and it happened…. the most beautiful moment of my life. And YES!!, it was different in person, but in the most positive ways. We were both shaking and sooo nerveous. After we met in person, we realized we really love each other. He’s going to college in Puerto rico, he will finish in a few months. He promised he’ll move down here to be with me forever. Our relationship is just a matter of waiting out for things… After all, all good things come for those who wait.

  8. teresa

    On October 9, 2008 at 3:20 am

    i am a widow of 7 years and started talking to this man 4 weeks ago and to be honest at 54 thought i was going crazy ,because i started to long and need these conversations ,just reading what you have all said makes me feel normal and happy to continue with this relationship and see if anything comes of it the ironic thing is i know it will already as daft as it seems to others thankou all so much for shareing Teresa xxx

  9. Sharon

    On October 30, 2008 at 5:22 am

    i made initial contact with my friend on the internet and we have been talking on the phone about 2-3 times a weeks for almost a year now. I am in india and he is in the US. He is coming to India by the end of November. I have found work in the US and will be travelling there soon. possibly next year. I honestly dont know how its going to turn out when we meet, but we have had the opportunity to share so much in the months that have gone by.

    I feel so relieved after reading the information above. I almost thing it will be positive. I am keeping my fingers crossed. —Sharon

  10. kitty

    On November 2, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    well i am in a relationship now and i wonder if it will work out. we have been chatting for 2 months he said he loved me and i said it back. i talkied to him not in person but on chatting. i love him too. alot will it work out?

  11. Shontell

    On November 12, 2008 at 11:21 pm

    Yeah i’m in a internet relationship. I’ve never met the guy but i really and truely believe i love him. I may not get the support i should from my family and friends but of course they put stupid little ideas in my head that make me ball my eyes out and make me and my partner have fights.
    I do believe it will work, we are soooo alike its quite funny. He gives me the strength in my life i never knew i had.
    do you think me and my partner will work?

  12. N.V.

    On January 4, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    I am in an internet relationship. I met my guy online. He is from eastern Europe and was in the U.S. on vacation at the time. We met in person and saw each other twice before he returned home. I immediately felt a connection with him from the 1st time he IM’d me and meeting him in person was magical.

    We are really different. He is white, I am black. He is 10 years younger than me. I have a great career and he just graduated from college. I am american and he is from eastern Europe. We are way different.

    But we have this connection. I think it is good for us that we are apart and getting to know each other via the internet. The physical attraction is not distracting us.

    We IM every day for hours and talk on the phone about 3 times a week. He says that I give him focus and motivates him. He makes me laugh, he loves my flaws (physical and emotional), he truly brightens my day. We are so protective of each other already.

    Of course, I have my concerns on whether we will feel the same about each other when we finally meet again, and I share these concerns with him. His confidence that things will work out strengthens me.

    And reading these success stories help with my insecurities. If anyone has advice for me that will help my internet relationship work, please feel free to give it.

  13. SC

    On January 14, 2009 at 4:25 am

    Im in an internet relationship. We’ve know each other on and off for almost 8yrs now. Last 2yrs we’ve been in touch regularly.We IM almost everyday and talk 2-3 times a week He’s in the US and Im in India. I met him last year in the US for the first time. It was wonderful. It felt great and both of us felt we belong.

    We’ve both had our share of relationships gone wrong. But I feel I connect with him much more than i ever did before. He makes me laugh so much..and is a very loving and caring person. At times the distance really kills…but there is also a feeling of happiness knowing that we will be together soon.

  14. Julia

    On January 31, 2009 at 11:30 am

    I’ve been chatting with this guy I met from a “chat room” for a year and a half. We just love each others company, we have amazing conversations everytime we connect and he makes me so giddy everytime I see him. I don’t know though because he seems so sweet and perfect for me but in reality he lives 6 hours away and it just seems as though nothing will happen. I see myself with him and it’s the first time any guy has ever made me feel like this before. I want to say I love him because I feel it but he’s the type of guy who gets scared of anything too serious so I’m always keeping it light enough but enough for both of us to feel connected but it’s difficult because I don’t know how he feels and I don’t want to be the woman who “has that talk” so I decided I shouldn’t make this thing a big deal since we haven’t met but I feel so strongly about him it’s hard not to show him.

  15. L

    On February 2, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    Thank you everyone for your comments. I recently have been going through a seperation with my husband after a very disappointing marriage and low and behold, I met this wonderful guy on the internet. I wasn’t even looking for anything, just playing card games online, and started talking to him. It has been over about 5 or 6 weeks now and maybe 2 or 3 days have passed that we have not talked to eachother. He lives very far away in Europe and I am from the U.S. I have been so scared about dating over the internet, wondering if it was real, if I am crazy and really, I haven’t worked up enough guts to tell people about it yet. One thing is for sure, though. I know how I feel and I can’t get enough of him and I think the same is true for him. It is amazing to think I saw him for the first time on webcam just a couple of days ago and there was definitely physical attraction. What strikes me the most is how I have learned to love a person not for any superficial or physical reasons, but for emotional reasons. We thrive on our emotional compatibility and this has really made it so much more beautiful.

  16. G

    On February 11, 2009 at 9:53 am

    I loved this article. Im in a internet relationship at the moment, my first and hopefully last:) We havnt been able to meet yet which is what we want more than anything but when you live across the pond from eachother its hard. Especially when your parents just cant understand it at all and wont let me go over there. Im 17 and I feel I should be able to do what I want and get over to her, I have enough of my own money, the only thing stopping me from jumping on a plane right now is the parental consent. I cant stand being forced apart from her, we’re in love and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I never thought I would be able to find anyone as amazing as her and with practically the exact tastes as me!

  17. TERRY

    On February 21, 2009 at 7:37 am

    I’m new on net,although i have problem geting the rigth relationship,so i decided to get on net.

  18. Anonymous

    On February 28, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    I am in the exact same situation as Melissa. I met a guy online, at first it was innocent chit chat. After a few months i gave him my number as he was going through alot and i wanted to help. About 2 weeks later of constant everyday communication he revealed that he liked me. It has been nearly a year and 6 months, we have spoken everyday since. He’s going through a few things atm which he’d like to grow from which has kept us from meeting. After reading everyone’s comments it makes me feel like this is going to work. We plan to meet soon. I have seen every side of him and vice versa so we do have our ups and downs. We have spoken of the future and we both want the same things, he also tells me he loves me all the time.

    The only thing im worried about is whether i will be attracted to him in the real world as i dont know how he’d act around me and others. Guess that’s something i will find out when we do meet.

    Fingers crossed xx

  19. Estelle

    On March 3, 2009 at 2:57 am

    I would like to thank you for writing this!,it reassured me that it’s not “wrong” or “sick” to have an internet relationship. I admit I was a little unsure about it ,and a bit ashamed because it’s not traditional.
    I feel a whole lot better now, even though I am in my late teens and I am not in a “socially acceptable” click , I cannot connect with anyone of the opposite sex. So I have turned to the internet (secretly), I feel soo much lighter about it!!
    Thank you!!

  20. dennis

    On April 3, 2009 at 4:45 am

    hi um i agree with u internet relationship can work i been with this girl almost a year and im going to see her in 19 day me and her always talk and really care and trust each other i have a feeling its going to work and thanks to u i found a way to help us make it work ty very much

  21. BlessedJ

    On May 10, 2009 at 12:23 am

    Hi…I met my man online on a social networking site and we started chatting. I’m from Sri Lanka and he’s from the US and he’s an African American. I’m 24 and he’ll be 28 in 5 days :)
    We felt a connection when we started chatting in the beginning and like a week later we both admitted we liked each other. It’s been almost 2 months now and we have chatted everyday and talked on Skype almost everyday. I’ve been in 2 very bad relationships before where I suffered mental and phsyical abuse. Right now, he seems like a God-send — I couldn’t ask for anyone better.
    Some of my friends are very sceptical and with good reason. I haven’t met him yet, he might be a scammer, he’ll break your heart..all that. But I know him. I still have trust issues after being with the lying, cheating kind, but he’s so patient with me.
    I’ll be seeing him in Dec/Jan, when I go to where he is. We both can’t wait. Please pray for the both of us.

  22. Mike

    On June 9, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    I’ve been in an online relationship for almost a year now and i can certainly tell you it’s hard being the more physical person that I am. With determination though…and compassion you can make it work..just be honest to yourself and the loved one and everything will work out the way its supposed to

  23. Justaguest

    On August 8, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    I had an intense 3 month relationship with a man in the UK. We lived together in the virtual world of There, owned a house together, and actually got married. I\’ve never loved anyone like that before.

    Everything ended abruptly and now its over. But my heart will not heal and I cannot forget. Other people in our real lives was the cause of our breakup. Neither one of us wanted it to be over.

    When you meet someone who you know is your soul mate, and you love them despite all their flaws, and they are deep down in your soul, but there is an ocean separating you, what do you do?

    Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me get over this? I fear I will love this man forever and I feel so helpless.

  24. Jesse

    On November 29, 2009 at 11:34 pm

    I just wanted to say that your article was amazing and I couldn’t agree more with what you have written. I met my soulmate online almost 11 months ago now, when she sent me a flirt. After a few flirts, we started chatting and texting, which almost immediately after turned into phone calls every day, unless she was extremely busy or tired, and then we would text all day, every day. We do webcam, talk on the phone at the same time, and have sent letters and items to each other — and finally, after 11 months of waiting, we will be together this Thursday morning. December 3rd, 7:55am, I’m finally going to meet the love of my life and I’m extremely nervous. I know we are compatible, and I know we love each other more than anything, but I suppose everyone has their fears. My mother, and my uncle have both had internet relationships — my mother waited 2 years to meet my step father and they have been married and happy ever since (they got married about 10 years ago now) — and my uncle got married in August of 2008. I have confidence in my relationship, and the love we share, and I hope that anyone else out there in an internet relationship has the confidence, determination, honesty, trust, and patience (lots of patience) to make it work — because it can and will if you love each other. Don’t let what other people say bring you down, love is NEVER wrong — no matter how you meet.

  25. Dreamer

    On December 3, 2009 at 1:07 am

    I met my Man about a year and a half ago on the internet. These stories are so inspiring, they make me feel so much better. I love him, there is no doubt, and he loves me, it’s just the distance. I’m in Australia, he’s in the U.S. We’re planning to meet next June, I’m separated and never, ever loved anyone like I love him, never actually thought I could even feel this way about anyone. Very nervous about telling my family, very nervous about meeting him. He makes me happy, happier than I’ve ever felt in my whole life, I married young and didn’t love my husband at all. We’re getting to know each other first, then the physical. He treats me really well and is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. I’m hoping and praying everything will go well when we finally meet and that love will find a way.

  26. Anita

    On December 3, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    hi, i met the guy i am with now through the internet, actually from a mmorpg (a game)….we met about 18 months ago and became firm friends, could chat about anything at all, then kinda out the blue he releaved he had feelings for me about 6 months ago, i was unsure and scared about the idea of an internet relationship and all the different factors that would stand in the way..i’m a little older, only by 7 years but it still feels like alot because i have children and the fact that i live in the uk and he is in south africa, but thanks to a mutual friend i decided to give it a shot and i have to say it was by far the best choice i ever made, we are both incredibly happy, we spend several hours a day speaking to one another over voice chat or msn and he is coming to see me next christmas, we’ve had our arguments like any couple but despite everything we have worked through it.

  27. worried fool

    On December 22, 2009 at 8:08 am

    I think trust and faith are required so much more in these types of relationships. Whenever I have trusted before I’ve been let down. It’s not fair the other should bear the brunt of the shortcomings of those that went before him but it’s not something I can just turn off. Another thing, feeling insecure, I know this is where honesty comes in, I’ve never had an honest relationship anywhere, too many men don’t value or even comprehend what they have till they lose it, lord, sorry guys, just letting off steam, I love him so much and he truly is wonderful but I fear insecurities from my past experiences with men will surely be my downfall. After all, how patient and understanding can someone be? Especially since it seems he’s paying for other men’s lies, cheating, and downright mean ways. If I lose him through this I only have myself to blame, he has done nothing wrong.

  28. Ruby

    On January 24, 2010 at 8:23 am

    I’ve known the love of my life for 6 months now, and i am the happiest i have ever been. i was in another internet relationship before this one, and i made the mistake of telling a lot of my friends about it, so when that ended in tatters there were a lot of ‘i told you so’s. However, i am not going to make that mistake againa nd i have only told my closest friend about it, and she couldn’t be anymore supportive. she has spoken to the guy through IM’s as well and agrees that he seems fine.
    Me and him video call every day for hours on end and he sends me texts unexpectedly somtimes to make me smile :) He is absolutely perfect for me, and we are meeting up in March so i hope that goes well. The only possible problem is his age, now i know people will judge us but its not like that. He’s 23 and i’m very nearly 16. I have told him i want to wait until i’m ateast 17 maybe 18 to have sex, and he agrees that this would be a good idea :)
    good luck to everyone else out there xxxxx

  29. Stefan

    On February 2, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    These comments are a wonderful addition to this article because they have given me the hope of what I have now to be real and possible.

    I met my sweetheart just over a month and a half ago and it seems like we’ve known each other for ever. Her and I share so much in common and I think that I would have never been able to have this kind of opportunity to meet such an amazing young woman if it wasn’t for the internet.

    We chat on Skype mostly, and it’s pretty much an everyday thing. We chat for about 3 to 5 hours on average I’d say.

    I feel like I’m the luckiest man in the world knowing that she is in my life and seems to share the same feelings towards me.

    I try not to get too excited but it’s really difficult for me not to be because of all of my past experiences with women that weren’t on the same level of spirituality or material understanding. My girl and I really click and on those levels, plus some.

    Chatting on-line makes it so much more easier to ask the important questions, like “what are your plans for the future?” without having the physical attraction keeping you in even though you want to get out of the relationship.

    I too try and keep it quiet now, since I have been starting to get the negativity of others saying that an online relationship is not real. But seriously, it is real! The added benefit to it too is that the physical lust factor is not blocking the vision towards connecting on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level.

    It’s great and I am going to be seeing her soon. I live in Canada and she lives in India.

    Please wish us luck :D
    and good luck to you as well!

  30. A

    On December 30, 2010 at 4:30 am

    All of these comments are so…inspiring! I’m 17, and have had several internet friends over the past few years, for some reason i connect with them better than my real life friends. Things started taking down turns and i wanted to give up, and i was going to. Then i met J. We have been in a relationship for two months and i cannot believe it. We talk every day on skype and over texts/phone calls and all i can do is think about him. We share a lot of the same views on everything–both the small and the big stuff. But we do have our ups and downs and i always worry that the 800+miles between us will break us. Seeing all these stories gives me hope that continuing to pursue this relationship could lead to bigger and better things later on in life!

  31. John Smith

    On April 11, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Lovely article & comments!!

    I am what people consider a ’serious but shy guy’. An engineer by profession. My interest in music led me to hang out in a chat room, and music was my ONLY intention. Over time, I got to know some of the ‘regulars’ a bit, but my interactions with one particular ‘regular’ went beyond the casual, and we used to chat a lot. She visited India from Germany over 1.5 years ago, and we spoke briefly. Soon after, we started talking regularly over Skype, at times, for up to 5 hours!! We talked about ‘all sorts of things’ and discovered that we have a LOT in common on the intellectual, spiritual and emotional level. For the last year or so, we talk every night for an average of 2 hours, and exchange daily e-mails. We simply love each others company, and though neither of us has said it in so many words, we have formed a strong bond. We have exchanged photographs, but have not met each other. However, we do often joke about whether we would be so talkative if we were face-to-face!

    This ‘lady’ is also a shy person. From my perspective, the internet has acted as a ‘cushion’ between us, and has led us to ‘open up’ to one another much more than if we were face-to-face, something which is absolutely essential for a successful relationship. Another interesting aspect about our ‘relationship’ is that we seemengly developed a ‘liking for each other’ long before we exchanged photographs, so the ‘physical aspect’ never interfered with the development of our relationship.

    Reading about all these ’successful’ internet relationships, gives me hope that our relationship can move to the next level!!

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