Do Not Get Married Before Asking These Questions

There’s tons of advice out there about pre-marriage counseling… about money, living arrangements, religion, fidelity. But there are lots of other “little” matters that are also important for two people ready to tie the knot… little issues that can blindside you and turn into big problems.

So, here’s what you need to discuss… and what you really need to be honest about.

Holidays

• Whose family do you go to?
• Or, which holidays do you spend with which family?

Also, how important are birthdays? Here’s the real test: Were birthdays a big deal when you were growing up or when your fiancé was growing up? If he/she didn’t really grow up with much of a tradition regarding birthdays, chances are that after several years, you may not be getting a birthday gift (or much beyond a card).

Your birthday may even be completely forgotten. You can’t necessarily change a person from how they were raised, but you can let him/her know birthdays are important to you, that you expect gifts. You can also offer to help, by letting him/her know that you’ll remind them of when your birthday is coming up.

Children

• How many do you want?
• When do you want to start having children?

Let me tell you a little story: My friend got married, with her agreeing to his wish of having kids within 2 years. However, she really wasn’t sure she wanted children, or if she did not that soon. She agreed to her fiancé’s wishes because she wanted to appease him, and thought maybe she’d change her mind.

That was 9 years ago. They still do not have children. So, do not force him/her into agreeing with you on this matter, nor let yourself agree with something you don’t believe for the sake of keeping the peace…and hoping you’ll feel differently about it later.

Work/Relocation

• Women, if HE finds work out of city/state/country (or gets relocated), are you willing to move?
• Men, if SHE finds work out of city/state/country (or gets relocated), are you willing to move?

Okay, so let’s talk a little about work ethic. If work is a bit hectic, do you still keep within your 40-hour work-week or do you stay late to get things done? What about your soon-to-be-spouse? If one of you has dinner ready at 6pm (or is expecting dinner to be ready), will that person be okay with a spouse staying late at work? You may not be able to agree on this issue, but going in eyes wide open, you can prevent a lot of late-night fights.