Do Second Chances Work?

Many were surprised to see Cheryl Cole take back her hubbie after his dalliances, but is she right to take back a cheating partner and try to make things work a second time? Like many women before her, Cheryl swore she would never forgive a man who did the dirty, but has apparently relented, to much rolling of eyes across the country.

It’s not like she needs his money or status as she has cash and a career of her own – likewise women in more ordinary circumstances are perfectly capable of looking after themselves financially, yet they choose to forgive and forget.

Despite the opinions of on lookers, who usually advise against taking back an errant partner, many women finding themselves in this situation choose the second chance option, and for different reasons:

• It may be that they weigh up the options and think better the devil you know; no horrible surprises with a new partner
• It may be that the affair actually shakes up the relationship and makes both parties try much harder
• It maybe that this was simply a blip in an otherwise solid relationship which has always previously been a source of support, and deep down you both want the same things
• It may be that one or both partners decides to overlook imperfections and that a ”good enough” relationship is the closest they can get to ”ideal”. Often as people get older and acquire more life experience they accept this more readily, than they would in their twenties for example.

Rarely, however, does the relationship reform as it was before. It may be that new rules have to be put in place to save the relationship, or a complete change of location and lifestyle.

Indeed relationship experts advise changes of the way things are done – because after all, the old way didn’t work. If the partner who has cheated in unwilling to make necessary changes, then it may be that a second chance will not work after all.

Add children to the equation and the reasons to give second chances are even stronger. Sometimes couples realise their partner has very slowly slipped to the bottom of the list – after work, children, friends hobbies and so on and it’s time to renegotiate their priorities; so that an affair is never again seen as a way to relieve the stress or loneliness, or even as an essential to keep the marriage going.

Affairs often happen by accident after long periods where the gap between aims and ambitions have grown so wide, it’s living with a stranger. Someone to avoid, but not to rock the boat so much that the comfortable life they have built up together, and the security of the children, is sunk. Only a huge effort can resurrect the closeness they once had. But sometimes a second chance is the best thing that can ever happen to that tired old situation.