Domestic Abuse: The “It’s Not Ok for a Man to Hit a Woman, But Its Ok for a Woman to Hit a Man” Scenario.
Is it ok to hit a man or a woman in a relationship?
OK well I had to get this off of my chest so to speak…
I have never understood the logic that it is “OK” for women to hit a man in a relationship. (I say this as a young woman myself) but yet it still seems terribly wrong if a man hits a woman.
Well, any violence is “wrong”, unless its in self defence, and even then there are ways to try to prevent it. Walking away and not having any contact with the person will save you alot of hassle in the long run- if you can leave that is- and then take the matter to the relevant authority’s.
I have experienced domestic violence first hand myself and would desrcibe my experiences as severe. Once your partner or relative hits you, everything changes- the trust is gone forever, depending on the severity of the attack- because that is what it is- a psychical attack.
There are more and more men coming forward with their experiences of violent women (and partners) which doesn’t surprise me. Many years ago men who complained at being mistreated were called names and ridiculed by other men and women as being “weak”.
The only weak human beings in my eyes are the people who are “administering” the violence in the first place.
Whilst I realise that (generally speaking) a man hitting a woman would cause considerably more damage than if a woman hit a man- you can not rationalise violence… If someone is constantly being violent to you, no matter what you think, you DO have a choice to leave- leave!
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User Comments
mnwrite
On May 19, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Emotional abuse and blackmailing are certainly not better than physical abuse. They are even worse and it is men, who are usually subjected to them. Violence has many forms.
Helen Diaz
On May 20, 2009 at 2:27 pm
I certainly agree with that mnwrite! I was in particular focusing on domestic violence which I have experience of myself. (Ont he receiving end that is!)
Emotional abuse is just as bad I agree- its the silent abuse in many ways- you dont see the scars or marks or bruises on the skin as you would in a violent row- emotional abuse shows itself internally, so its crueler in many ways.
D Silvey
On May 26, 2009 at 6:11 am
I was in an abusive marriage. Mostly emtional and mental abuse. In a group meeting among abused women I had an experience that shook me to the core. A woman in one of my meetings was going through multiple face surgeries to reconstruct her face. She had a couple of surgeries to go and said to me, “I would rather be in my place than yours. The world can plainly see that I have been abused. With your abuse it is harder to prove and harder to heal.”
Over the months what she had said to me proved to be true. But you are right, no abuse to a woman or man should be the norm.
Jenny
On July 11, 2009 at 2:10 pm
I grew up in a violent environment; my parents had a rocky marriage ever since I can remember …and I used to see these big swollen bumps/bruises on my mum’s face periodically. I used to dread going home from school in case they’d had another argument. Once the fighting got so bad, I called the police on my dad – I couldn’t take it anymore. Years later my parents divorced – my dad had a heart attack /stroke and is now bedridden, paralysed from the neck down. A lot of people said that was the karma of his actions as a bad husband to my mother.
Til this day , my mum visits him everyday in the nursing home….
I can’t help thinking that seeing all this violence played a part in the onset of my schizphrenia.
Helen Diaz
On July 23, 2009 at 1:41 pm
D Silvey, Im sorry to read that you have suffered emotional and mental abuse. I experienced psyhical and emotional abuse growing up as a child and over a period of at least 10 years. As a result of this I was also attracted to abusive relationships- until I saw the pattern and realised I had to change my views and value myself more as a person.I havent had any counselling, I dont know what clicked- but meeting my partner certainly helped, Im not religious but i feel blessed to have him in my life! So you see, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Jenny- In regards to your response-my parentsalso shared similiaritys but my father never hit my mother- it was always myself and my brother and very severely. Some were the hardest beatings I will never forget. I am a strong believer of Karma also,coming from a very spiritual family (from my mothers side). the people who seem to doubt Karma in my experience seem to fear it the most.When my father got cancer I wasnt bitter at all, I was upset and supported him, prayed that he got through it. He had a 50/50 chance of pulling through, and I would like to think, that somewhere someone heard my prayer and that is why he pulled through. I think your mother is immensely forgiving and loving. She is a far stronger person than your father, unfortunately will ever be, but bitterness only eats away at you in the end, you have to let go and accept your experiences, no matter how painful they are.
What I found that helped was to keep a diary- I kept a diary of abuse since the age of 6. It kept me sane in many ways and gave me hope. I am now 24 and writing an autobiography to inspire others that they can get through abuse.
The schizophrenia you have could easily be due to the violence you witnessed, but you must accept this and stay healthy. Seek counselling and medical help, and follow in your mothers footsteps- she seems like a very good role model.
Best wishes,
Helen Diaz
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