Dump Your Chubby Valentine at Wal-Mart

You hear this all the time, “I’m gaining weight because I’m so depressed” or “I have a thyroid problem”.  No, you just eat too darn much!  Women these days take their husbands so much for granted, they’ve stopped caring how they look.  What’s happened, where is the pride and self-respect?

You know the ladies of whom I’m speaking.  They’re the overweight ones with the unbrushed, greasy hair.  Lacking class, they waddle around in public wearing skin-tight stretch pants, large floral patterned tops hiding fat rolls.   

Go to any Wal-Mart, the location doesn’t matter.  Whether the store is in a densely packed urban area, a suburd or even rural America.  Just go to any Wal-Mart and see for yourself. 

You’ll find them on the frozen food aisle somwhere between the “hot pockets” and “frozen cheese sticks”.  They’re the ones with the cart in the middle of aisle making sure you can’t go around either side.  Their gait is unmistakable, walking very slowly with all three chins held high. 

Having given this matter much though, I think I know what’s happened in America to cause this epidemic.  First, our economy over the past forty years has evolved to the point that both the husband and wife must take a full-time job to make ends meet.  So relationships are not just solely about “feelings” anymore, they’re also “financial partnerships”.  Second, women are very fickle creatures.  Like a lioness, when they’re on the hunt they understand the importance of fitness and grooming.  But once they snagged their prey, they figure things are set for life, so why sacrifice?  And finally, and perhaps most important, men have lost the courage to leave these selfless slobs, because they themselves don’t want to endure the financial struggles that inevitably accompany a breakup.  It’s a vicious cycle. 

The only way to save America is for men to dump their fat partners off at Walmart – all on the same day.  I propose a Valentine’s Day drop-off.  If you think about it, it’s really a situation where the women, Wal-Mart and even all of America win.

Men can start looking for a woman who cares about her appearance.  Tubby women get to hang out with each other exploring the store and tasting the free samples.  Wal-Mart stock goes through the ceiling in a single day, sending the DOW Jones average soaring high enough to end this recession!

Just a thought.