Dynamics of Family Bonds

Families come together and fall apart too. There are dynamics within family members and it is better between some than others as each is unique and each carries his own bag of experiences. I like reading old books written by RD. Liang and try to see his interpretation of the family today. The dynamics he witnessed during his career are much the same only I find an unnecessary wordiness and aloofness in his work as we are expected to understand the world through his mental construct. But one thing goes unchanged and that is when it comes to the family we are all connected at one time or another, although some of us feel that there are no bonds at all and there has never been.

Sibling rivalry creates subgroups within a family and that usually occurs within larger family groups where an older child pairs up with a younger one and the one on the middle is “left out”. The one on the middle is never actually left out, he just feels that there is a greater bond between the other two and this contributes to his perception of the greater bond but there might just as well be the thought that he acts differently from the other two and  does not want any association with the one or the other sibling because of underlying rivalry or some other childhood reason.

What I find interesting is that the pattern developed between the interaction of sibs in one generation is often replicated in the following generation. This means that if there is a close tie between the oldest and youngest in a family that bond is somehow transmit through family interactions to the next generation. My oldest sister is close to me and the middle one feels ‘left out’ and so the oldest and second youngest in a group of her nieces and nephews are close and the second oldest feels left out at times. Those family dynamics are subject to change once new alliances are formed and former ones dissolve because of rivalry or competition and other factors like when the ages are very close.