Eleven Stages of Nice Guy
by Like the Five Stages of Grief, Nice Guys go through their own process of coping with rejection.
Every Nice Guy is different, but each has a tortured journey through life which follows the same general path. Like the Kübler-Ross model of the “Five Stages of Grief,” the Nice Guy also progresses through stages. Though the nature of each phase is different, the evolution moves in a continuous cycle of ups and downs.
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Optimism
The Nice Guy is often very optimistic. Not only with his love life, but with life in general. This phase usually persists in the beginning of the Nice Guy’s life because he has not been faced with repeated rejection yet.
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Denial
The denial phase comes second in the Nice Guy Evolution. He starts to lose his initial optimism, but refuses to believe there is something which sets him apart from other men.
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Recognition
Eventually, the Nice Guy realizes that there is no coincidence in the frequency by which he is turned down by women. He starts to understand that he is indeed a Nice Guy and that women are more inclined to befriend him than date him.
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Transformation
The Nice Guy, after recognizing his nature, then decides that shedding his title of “nice guy” may be the only way to get a date. He tries to act more like a “jerk” and be brasher with women. He may take some tips from “pick-up artists.” He will seek relationship advice from any source he can find and adapt it to his personality. However, he will inevitably realize that he is incapable of truly changing his nature.
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Frustration
The Nice Guy then goes through a period of anger. He curses his inability to get a date and blames his nature for holding him back. This is yet another low point in the Nice Guy’s progression.
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Acceptance
Eventually, the Nice Guy will come to accept, even enjoy, his disposition. He decides that the best way to cope with his nature is to embrace it and return to his original optimism. Unfortunately, acceptance is not the final stage in the Nice Guy Evolution. In fact, it can be more accurately compared to the eye in the hurricane of his life.
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Anxiety
Next, a rush of nervousness consumes the Nice Guy. He wonders if and when his anguish will ever end. He continues to hold onto his optimism, but it begins to fade. He continues to look in vain for ways to solve his problem.
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Depression
Finally, the depression sinks in. This phase marks the lowest of the low. The Nice Guy becomes completely defeated. He loses all faith in himself and begins to feel utterly inadequate.
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Disillusionment
The Nice Guy does not yet move past his lowest point, but instead reaches a phase of cynicism. He feels that women are simply a bother; there is no reason to spend time and effort chasing them. His depression ultimately persists, but he attempts to learn from it. He may even create a vow for himself to no longer fall for women, seeing them only as obstacles to him living a happy life.
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Resentment
The Nice Guy soon realizes, once more, that he cannot escape his fate. He cannot swear off women because he is too committed to finding love and cannot stand being alone. He finally starts to recover from his lowest point.
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Enlightenment
Finally, the Nice Guy may or may not reach a higher understanding. He discovers that he is not flawed or unattractive. He may continue to move from high points to low points, but he’ll retain his understanding of who and what he is.
Further
A Nice Guy will always be a Nice Guy. Nothing can truly change his nature. These phases do not necessarily come one right after the other, and sometimes one or more points are even skipped over completely. This depends on whether the Nice Guy is lucky enough to beat the system and secure a date.
Sometimes dating is enough to bring Nice Guys straight to enlightenment, and sometimes they’ll pick up from where they left off in the process. No two Nice Guys have the same journey, yet each will be faced with hardship, joy, hope, and embarrassment.
For more information on Nice Guys, check out this article.
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Post CommentLiane Schmidt
On September 23, 2008 at 1:44 pm
The “Nice Guy” just knows that true love and a “Nice Girl” is a rare gift and he won’t settle for less.
Blessings.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
Pop
On November 3, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Love will find you when you least expect it. Continue developing into the unique, intelligent, warm and compassionate man you evolving into. Love will find you provided you don’t turn cynical or grasping or desperate. Those traits will keep love away. Patience. Also, a healthy degree of self respect and self regard, self love will carry you through until romantic LOVE finds you.