Ending a Toxic Relationship Takes Strength
by Dealing with a toxic relationship took strength. Deciding to end it takes strength. Hold onto that strength, walking away is just the beginning.
Walking away is not easy. Staying away is even harder. Dealing with getting rid of toxic people in your life is not for the weak or faint of heart. It is a day to day battle that allows true strength to emerge.
When the decision is made to end toxic relationships, the light at the end of the tunnel appears to be very bright. The future will be better. It will not happen overnight, but it will happen. That belief has to be a constant reminder that the decision made was the right one to make. Walking away or ending the toxic relationship can be one of the hardest things to do.
There are those that think the decision was made too lightly. They will constantly say that the “fight” is silly and that a truce needs to be made. Well, if the toxic person had truly changed, then that might be a good idea. Before considering it, there are several issues that must be taken into consideration.
Has the toxic person really changed? Did the events that have recently unfolded been the catalyst to promoting change in that person? Have they shown proof of the change? Do not think that a simple apology or even everyone expecting that things should just go back to normal is evidence of true change. True change takes time. If it happens immediately, which I tend to doubt being true, deep changes, then time should still be taken to ensure that the change will last.
Stories throughout history have been told that show how a person experiences a life-changing event and totally turns their life around. Having someone stand up to a toxic person and ending the relationship may inspire such a change. It may not. It would require an expert on the causes of people changing to answer the question about the possibility of the toxic person changing so quickly. Common sense says that if they have changed, then they should understand the need of caution and the importance of seeing long term proof of the change before any sort of commitment can be made to a future with them.
What will happen if they are forgiven and life gets back to normal and the toxic person has not changed? If it is simply a friend that puts all of their negativity off on others, then ending the relationship again should not become a life of death matter. If the toxic relationship involves someone with a history of or suspicion of possible violence, then more care must be taken in considering whether to believe in the miracle of instant change.
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Post Commentnaughtynurse
On November 12, 2008 at 6:20 am
This site has given me a great sense of relief, i thought i was going crazy constantly battling the demons in my head. xx
Toronto
On February 1, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Thanks for the insight. Was looking for ways to stop going back to the never ending, never improving toxic relationship. A nine year cycle of hell sprinkled with bursts of passion…
Looking forward to this next step no matter how hard – bring it on!
Tina
On February 11, 2009 at 8:44 am
This article has given me strength….I was battered and bruised in body,mind and spirit!I have been in a toxic relationship were I was physically abused and emotionally drained!I’m still trying to come to terms with that happened?I find is so difficult to forgive and forget…..but with much strength I know I will1
Barbara
On May 8, 2009 at 9:48 am
I am leaving a toxic relationship today. I vowe never to go back!
holly
On October 13, 2009 at 2:31 pm
6 years and 1 pregnancy later, I’ve finally manedged to walk away for good this time. I look at the pictures I have taken of myself after been verberlly abused and emotinaly destroyed and it makes me feel so sad how any one could treat me like this. To look at myself in these pictures I look like a sad, helpless, little girl. It’s like looking at one of those people that have had a part of their brain removed (cabaged people) thier called.
This is day 1 of leveing him but as I vowed before it’s the last time I will be walking away.
I’m due to give birth november the 20th and I’m so glad I found the strenght to walk before she arvives. She need’s her mommy to be strong for her and i wouldn’t like to think how convusing it would be for a young baby to see her mommy looking like a zombie every time her daddy destroys her mommy emotioly. I
Scared to leave
On November 8, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I am currently trying to work up the courage to leave a toxic relationship that has lasted 4 years. We have a daughter together and that’s what keeps me in it. I pray every night for God to take the pain away and to give me the courage to leave. I just want my life back. She has demonized every member of my family and nearly every friend I have had. For 4 years, I’ve been made to believe I was the bad guy and I’m finally beginning to realize that I’m not that bad after all. I’m scared to death.
GINIA37
On February 3, 2010 at 10:47 pm
I have been in a toxic relationship for 5 years. I ended it recently but I am very sad. I know it is the best decision. I have given my whole geart and soul to this person. I feel used and let down. I hope I feel better soon. I feel like im at a funeral that wont end.
Left after 23 years with a serial cheater
On February 14, 2010 at 10:36 am
A therapist I knew once said that breakups and divorces (even in the best of circumstances) are difficult to deal with because we have no real ceremony to show it has ended, so one day we feel it is over and the next we mourn and waver in our conviction. The therapist recommended a ceremony to help mark the transition in one’s life. It makes sense to me. Two days ago, I ended a toxic relationship. If I had stayed a part of myself would die each day and trusting him would mean ignoring my trust in myself, so I plan to prepare a party in the future to mark my dedication to myself.
Trusting Myself Now
On February 14, 2010 at 10:37 am
A therapist I knew once said that breakups and divorces (even in the best of circumstances) are difficult to deal with because we have no real ceremony to show it has ended, so one day we feel it is over and the next we mourn and waver in our conviction. The therapist recommended a ceremony to help mark the transition in one\’s life. It makes sense to me. Two days ago, I ended a toxic relationship. If I had stayed a part of myself would die each day and trusting him would mean ignoring my trust in myself, so I plan to prepare a party in the future to mark my dedication to myself.
Trusting Myself Now
On February 14, 2010 at 10:38 am
A therapist I knew once said that breakups and divorces (even in the best of circumstances) are difficult to deal with because we have no real ceremony to show it has ended, so one day we feel it is over and the next we mourn and waver in our conviction. The therapist recommended a ceremony to help mark the transition in one\\\’s life. It makes sense to me. Two days ago, I ended a toxic relationship. If I had stayed a part of myself would die each day and trusting him would mean ignoring my trust in myself, so I plan to prepare a party in the future to mark my dedication to myself.
lizalbani
On February 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I thought I was going crazy for 2 years. On again, off again, I should have trusted my instincts from the start,but boy was he a slick operator and I just fell in til I started to drown. I didnt know what was true anymore, who he was anymore, but worse, I didnt know who I was anymore. I’m the luckiest woman in the world to have found out the very hurtful things this man has done to me…it gave me the strength to sever all ties and regain my dignity, and with the help of my family, friends, and therapy, I know I’m going to be ok. It’s a long, emotional road this is true…But don’t look back whatever you do or he or she tries to do to rope you in again. YOU WILL BE FINE! good luck everyone.
Liz Albani
On February 10, 2011 at 2:16 pm
I thought I was going crazy for 2 years. On again, off again, I should have trusted my instincts from the start,but boy was he a slick operator and I just fell in til I started to drown. I didnt know what was true anymore, who he was anymore, but worse, I didnt know who I was anymore. I\’m the luckiest woman in the world to have found out the very hurtful things this man has done to me…it gave me the strength to sever all ties and regain my dignity, and with the help of my family, friends, and therapy, I know I\’m going to be ok. It\’s a long, emotional road this is true…But don\’t look back whatever you do or he or she tries to do to rope you in again. YOU WILL BE FINE! good luck everyone.
Liz Albani
On February 10, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I thought I was going crazy for 2 years. On again, off again, I should have trusted my instincts from the start,but boy was he a slick operator and I just fell in til I started to drown. I didnt know what was true anymore, who he was anymore, but worse, I didnt know who I was anymore. I\\\’m the luckiest woman in the world to have found out the very hurtful things this man has done to me…it gave me the strength to sever all ties and regain my dignity, and with the help of my family, friends, and therapy, I know I\\\’m going to be ok. It\\\’s a long, emotional road this is true…But don\\\’t look back whatever you do or he or she tries to do to rope you in again. YOU WILL BE FINE! good luck everyone.
liz albani
On February 10, 2011 at 2:22 pm
I thought I was going crazy for 2 years. On again, off again, I should have trusted my instincts from the start,but boy was he a slick operator and I just fell right in til I started to drown. I didnt know what was true anymore, who he was anymore, but worse, I didnt know who I was anymore. I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\’m the luckiest woman in the world to have found out the very hurtful things this man has done to me…it gave me the strength to sever all ties and regain my dignity, and with the help of my family, friends, and therapy, I know I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\’m going to be ok. It\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\’s a long, emotional road this is true…But don\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\’t look back whatever you do or he or she will try everything in their power to rope you in again. DON\\\\\\\’T FALL FOR IT… TRUST YOURSELF…YOU WILL BE FINE!
Liz Albani, NY
Murray
On October 15, 2011 at 1:42 am
We first got involved via a computer dating site and I had started making longterm plans to share my worlds with her because she had had a terrible prior life.
She had been abused as a child, until her early teens by an older brother and his pals, and during it all she never screamed, just kept it all inside telling no one until letting it slip out one day, then later denied it ever happened at the request of a parent, in fear of losing her children.
I thought that while she was intelligent, she was not the brightest person out there.
So I had thought at the time we first dated, that perhaps, I could help her out and at the same time, help myself a bit too. Then it started one day, I dont want you to work at all she would say, as I can support us.
Then next there were problems with our friends, and later another problem developed between her and not one but two of my neices that I was once close to, and later also with their children.
None of them too were to be contacted any further as they failed to live up to her expectations, apparently?.
For close to the 2 and a half years we were together, apparently, I surprised myself as I was willing to stand by and watch her destroy every thing and almost all of my own personal relationships that I had had with many other persons.
Secondly, there were apartment building dwellers that she disliked, as they too failed to match her lifestyles, or had themselves some other issues.
But next and thankfully, lastly, she started to tell me that I was looking at other women and that she was jealous about it. I said she was letting her imagination get the better of her, and sometimes, but almost daily, she would tell me that I would be sneaking a peek looking at the girl or woman in question looking off the bus’ windows, while enroute.
Then it was while we were standing waiting for the daily bus, then while we on the bus, then at the destination where she held a job as a call centre service representative for a major credit card there.
Apparently during staff meal and morning or afternoon breaks, they all get together to discuss their personal lives there that they have too, and then as a group, seemingly then next decide what is best for them in their own lives.
During our later in the day conversation, I just listened while she told me that on several occasions, she would be told that she was called a darling and further that some other fellow # 2 was also interested in developing with her, a possible relationship and that she had considered it because ours was going south?
Now, I am sure that I have many issues of my own, but getting her to finally leave my home is the best that I could hope for.
Now the hard part, when she realizes that I have too gone, can I stay away from her longterm? I certainly hope so.