Everyman’s Divorce: Dating Again or “Oh My God She Is Half My Age!”

The divorce is final, the dust has started to settle, it’s time to get back into the swing of things.  I know you read my earlier article and were a perfect angel during the pre-divorce, which of course meant no dating.  Right?  Sure you were.

I’m going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are actually listening to what I’m telling you.  Middle aged, divorced, child support, out of shape, tons of debt.  Who wouldn’t want a piece of that?  All right gentlemen, and I use the term loosely, let’s take the first step.  Your appearance has got to change.

Let’s take a step back and look in the mirror.  Who are you?  I hate to break it to you, you’re just like me.  Just like any one of the other thousands upon thousands of divorced men in this country.  You have not been taking care of yourself the last few years.  You were too busy working yourself to the bone, trying to keep the yard up, trying to keep up with those damn Joneses, trying to make your ex happy.  It took a toll.  Too much beer has gone to the middle.  Your daily run has turned into a daily walk to the fridge.  You need to join a gym.  Shell out some bucks and join a nice one, not the YMCA.  There are going to be a lot of divorced men there.  A support group if you will.  Get yourself into an exercise routine and stick with it!  A month of going to the gym will make a tremendous change in the way you look.  Six months and you will hardly recognize yourself.

Step two, you’re going to have to buy some new clothes.  Get rid of the Izods and Guess jeans in your wardrobe.  Hey I was a child of the 80’s too and it pains me to say it, but you have to update the look.  Now please don’t be the 40 year old guy in the Affliction T-Shirt.  First of all only a retard would pay $90.00 bucks for a T-Shirt.  Secondly, and I cannot stress this enough, buy age appropriate clothing.  Otherwise you are going to look like a complete tool.  The positive side to you looking like a tool is it gives me hours of entertainment when I see you in public, and makes me look all the better.  Hit J.Crew, Banana Republic even Brooks Brothers.  Make sure you go the outlet stores though, don’t pay twice as much when you don’t have to!