Everyman’s Divorce: The Separation or “Get Out and I’ll Leave Your Crap in Hefty Bags on the Front Porch”

Pre-Divorce is also a very tricky time for a man.  You are going to have lots of conflicting emotions running through your head.  From feeling like everything is your fault to how in the hell did you last that long with the shrew?  The best advice I can give you is act like a friggin’ angel.  It does not matter what, or who, she is doing.  There are multiple reasons for this.

One, when it comes to time to settle the divorce your entire life is going to be under the microscope.  I mean your entire life.  Especially the actions you took after the pre-divorce.  Do you want to be the guy who was going to church, the gym and trying to spend as much time with his kids as possible?  Or do you want to be the guy trying to explain in front of the judge and jury why you have multiple ATM withdrawals from The Men’s Club?  Plus trust me, Candy is not her real name, those are not real either, and no she really is not just working there to pay her way through college.  Juries tend to frown on that kind of thing.

Two, there is a chance, incredibly slim as it is that you might reconcile with your ex at some point.   You will be answering for your behavior during the pre-divorce.  Make sure it is something you are comfortable talking about.  In addition, more than likely you are going to be attending some kind of marriage counseling during your pre-divorce.  My personal opinion is once the pre-divorce has begun, it is too late for marriage counseling to save your relationship with your ex, at least as having her as a wife.  That’s not o say it doesn’t work, or it’s a bad idea to go.  I’ll explain.

Much like a “Separation”, “Marriage Counseling” is misnamed as well.  Call it what is, it’s just counseling.  In your state, counseling is a good idea.  Go, listen to what the counselor has to say.  It’s a good opportunity to work through some issues for you, for your future.  Don’t worry about the blame game she is going to play, and she will.  My first counseling ordeal lasted two sessions.  Both of which consisted of my ex blaming me for everything that ever happened and telling the counselor what a jerk I was.  At the end of the second session, the counselor says that’s enough, next time it’s my turn.  The ex never showed up.  I however, continued to go.  I was able to work through a lot of the guilt from the marriage, my own issues and emerged a lot healthier person.  Go to counseling, it’s a good thing.  Just don’t expect to enjoy it or for it to magically repair your marriage.

To sum it all up, behave yourself during the pre-divorce.  Stay away from the strip clubs, don’t date and for God’s sake don’t be the forty year old guy out with the twenty-two year old.  You look like a tool, I promise.  Go to counseling, but go for YOU.  Take care of your own mental health and well being.  Everything else will fall into place.