Falling in Love Again

He died after a very long illness and I dealt with all the hurt. While he was dying there was no time for anything except keeping his spirits up and looking after him. And that was what I had signed up for, so I had no complaints. I didn’t want to lose him, but when his painbecame constant I wanted him to be able to go. After he died there was more time for me to think about what had happened. And I decided that I was not going through that again. No way!

So I went on doing what I did – the singing groups, the acting, the directing others in the theatre. I spent lovely time with my family, particularly my grand-daughters, and with friends. I actively avoided meeting new people. I began writing for a website called champions club, and became very, very busy. I travelled all over the place and began to learn Spanish (the Latin American version, so that I could travel in South America). I thought I was doing very well. I was not opening myself up to anything that could hurt me in the way I had been hurt by the loss of my lifetime partner. I was safe.

Now, what kind of safe is travelling the world alone, I hear you asking. I cannot say, but I felt safe. Anyone I met would not see me again, so there was no chance of being hurt. Not having something means you cannot lose it. Fine. That’s what I’d do. I’d avoid the possibility of anything or anyone new and threatening. And I was doing very well, by the standards I had set myself. It didn’t matter what I wore, or how I looked, because, well, everyone knew how I looked, and loved (or didn’t love) me for what I was. It was certainly cheap on clothes.

So, thinking I was safe I relaxed. I took my eye off the ball! In July I volunteered to help out at an event at which I felt sure I knew most of the participants. All it involved was doing interval refreshments for a small concert, given by friends I had performed with for years. Anyone coming to see the show would probably already know me, and I knew all the participants. Well, except for one man. I didn’t know him, but I assumed he was someone else’s partner, having joined the group to up the number of men. I treated him like anyone else and he made me laugh immoderately.