Communication is a “two-way” process. It is the process of conveying information from a sender to a receiver with the use of a medium in which the communicated information is understood by both sender and receiver. Typically, we use words as a medium in our communication. But even though we speak and understand the same language, there are still instances when misunderstanding occurs and our relationship with one another gets affected.

To avoid misunderstandings and communication lapses, I would like to share this article entitled “5 Talking Mistakes Most Couples Make” by Jennifer Benjamin.

Upon reading this article, I was so happy and thankful because right at the very start of her pointers, I was able to relate. In fact, I was able to examine myself in terms of my communication-relationship with my partner and found them all true.

I believe that upon learning this communication lapses, I would be able to correct myself and be able to gear our relationship into a much more fruitful and a new level of bonding.

Info Gets Left Out

According to psychologist Steve Stephens, PhD, author of Lost in Translation, couples tend to talk in a sort of shorthand manner just because they’re part of a twosome. They tend to leave out key information simply because they’re so used to being together that they think of themselves as one entity or they figure that their boyfriend or girlfriend will understand them enough to get what’s unspoken.

This applies to me, and I say it’s true. There was one time when we’re supposed to meet somewhere and I told him that I would be late. I forgot to mention “how late”, I didn’t gave him the exact figures. I just assumed he’d figure it out that since I mentioned “I’d be late”, no need to tell him how late I’d be. So when I arrived 30-minutes late (I know…), he was really pissed off. To exagerate, I think I saw his face became red and smoke coming out of his ears and nose when he saw me coming — 30-minutes after. Eventually, we got into an argument. Good thing, we patch things out and made a commitment to give out necessary information — nobody gets left behind.

Timing Is Off

“Men can’t mentally multitask,” says Stephens. I am aware of this fact, but what I am not aware is this: “Men are uncomfortable having deep conversations, so your guy will start one when you’re occupied with something else,” explains Stephens. When the timing for a conversation is off, it usually leads to misunderstanding. In order to avoid this, you could simply make a briefing on your partner to see if it’s a good time to converse. You could also pick a time when you’re both involved in a relaxed activity, that way, you can converse without having him feel “deep”.

It’s truly pissing when you’re busy doing something and is so engrossed when suddenly, out of nowhere, your partner approaches and talks about stuff that needs to be dealt with head-on. The thing is when you kind of dismissed your partner, this certainly leads to misunderstanding and then arguments. Being aware of this lapse could make you more sensitive to situations and circumstances, eliminating possibilities of arguments.

The Talk Reeks of Doom

“Women like to prepare for a problem, to warm up to it rather than abruptly tackle it, even with issues that aren’t that major,” explains Stephens. “But men hear it as a signal to gear up to get defensive, thus making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.” Thus, having a preface that sounds something like this: “I know you won’t like this, but…” will definitely make a wrong impression — misunderstanding occurs. As a result, instead of getting a positive or open response, you get yourself into an argument.

It Turns Into A Monologue

“Guys have a three-minute window where they can listen closely, but when your description goes on for longer than that, you’ve lost him,” says Stephens. “Then you inevitably end up getting mad at him for not paying attention to you or not chiming in.”

This is a bit peculiar in our relationship, because as a girl, I think and my partner thinks that it’s me who have the “three-minute window” and not him. In fact, it is him who would always say, “Am I alone here? C’mon, talk to me.” It’s true that when the partner wards off in the middle of the conversation, the other felt pissed and insulted — dismissed in a way. This definitely leads to hard feelings and sometimes, big arguments.

There Are No Boundaries

“Couples make the mistake of thinking that they have to learn everything about each other and share all their thoughts and have no secrets, but that’s simply not true,” says Stephens. “I call it reckless honesty when you’re revealing stuff that doesn’t have a constructive purpose and will do more harm than good.”

I agree with this. I keep hearing other couples telling each other that honesty is the best policy and no secrets should be kept from each other, which means that what the girl knows, the guy has the right to know too and vice versa is really overrated at certain times.

I am not an exemption. In fact, there was one time when I told my partner of what I think of his friends, and he got pissed, which leads into an argument. My point is, if you think it’s unnecessary to voice it out, better keep that to yourself and let it die. If it doesn’t benefit your relationship or the both of you, better let it slip rather than share it.