Five Formulas of Love

In the movie “Formula of Love” Count Cagliostro was not able to call the love of your choice. However, this is an Italian alchemist alive and thriving. Although originally the theme of love was considered a “taboo” in psychology, modern Cagliostro has created some of their formulas to explain the mystery of romantic love.

1. Love is like a disease

American psychologist Dorothy Tennov in his book “Love and Love” described the passionate romantic love as a blind biological mechanism to provide our ancestors the ability to not only proliferate but also a time to raise children together. Tennov not think love is real love, and describes it more as a disease state has these symptoms.

1. Persistent intrusive thoughts about the object of love.
2. Acute, painful need for reciprocal feelings of the object.
3. Feeling of euphoria in the case of reciprocity.
4. Focusing on the object of love to such an extent that one can ignore the important responsibilities and not to solve immediate problems.
5. Distorted perception of love object, often bordering on delirium. In this case, the positive qualities of the object being exaggerated, and negative or ignored, or considered to be attractive.
6. Strong sexual attraction to an object of love.

Tennov emphasized that although the love and the simple desire to have sex is not the same thing, love without sexual attraction does not exist, because it lies at its base. In her opinion, to be healed of “love sickness” is virtually impossible. There are only two possible cure for love. The first – to stop any contact with the object. This method is very painful and almost inevitably lead to depression, but a normal man in love with the fade. Another way – to start a relationship. Feature of “painful” love the fact that it disappears, usually within 1-4 years. Do not accidentally say that after four years, people often get divorced.

However Tennov not consider forecasts for the pairs necessarily pessimistic. In addition to love, it also highlights the true love which is peculiar to rare examples of happy monogamous couples who stay together for a long time. This love is much more “relaxed”: it is not peculiar obsession with another person, and she does not like madness.

2. Love is like a chemistry

A large number of scientific papers encroach on romantic love with a trivial physiological point of view – of scientists interested in the biochemical processes which contribute to the romantic feelings. For example, in one experiment, the interviewer approached the girl to young people and leave them to your phone after the interview. It turned out that men are more calls back to her, if before this crossed a mountain river – the thrill of physical activity contributed to a romantic interest. Some hormones and other substances associated with it with love, in particular the following.

1. Phenylethylamine – a substance that in trace amounts (very few!) Produced in the brain. That is largely responsible for “mad” love. The action is very similar to cocaine or other drugs in the class of stimulants, so that makes them feel excitement, euphoria and sexual desire at the time of love. Unfortunately, the effect of phenylethylamine time, people get used to it and the beloved is no longer in the same “chemical reaction”.
2. Oxytocin. Fortunately, only the euphoria phenylethylamine reliance is not necessary: there is oxytocin – a hormone that is produced in the brain and acts on the sexual organs (both men and women), and also promotes the release of milk in nursing mothers. In addition to the above, oxytocin is responsible for sensitivity to touch. That he makes us want to “poobnimatsya”, and also helps to handle stress. Its level in blood increases when communicating with loved ones, especially if it is tactile contact. Oxytocin is able to bind us to people and keep the relationship where phenylethylamine has ceased to act.

What’s interesting: the better a person relates to himself, the better he has the balance of these two substances, the more successful his choice of partner.

3. Love is like a triangle

Psychologist Zick Rubin proposed to consider romantic love as a set of three elements – the affection, care and intimacy:

1. Attachment – the need for care, encouragement and physical contact with another person. For example, the attachment points to an urgent desire to “complain” beloved, if you are ill or lonely.
2. Caring – concern about other people’s needs and happiness more than their own. A sense of caring makes us put first the interests of another person to worry about it, seek help and comfort.
3. Intimacy means common thoughts, wishes and feelings, which bring together two people. The greater the intimacy, the greater the trust between people, the greater the desire to share ideas and emotions.

Based on these three components Rubin even developed a scale on which the literal sense, we can evaluate the “power of love.”

4. Love is like a palette

In his book “Colors of Love” psychologist John Alan Lee is not considered the essence of romantic love and its variations. He compares love with a color wheel. It has three primary colors, and Lee believed that there are three basic styles of love. He called them beautifully and in Greek – Eros Lu dos and Storge:

1. Eros – the love of an ideal man.
2. Ludos – love the game.
3. Storge – love is like a friendship.

Continuing the analogy with a palette, Lee suggested that the three primary colors can be combined to create additional colors. The result is a nine varieties of love. For example, if the palette to mix love and Eros Ludos, you get Mania – obsessive love. Likewise, if you mix and Ludos Storge, you get Pragma – a realistic and practical love. If the mix Eros and Storge, you get Agape – compassionate and selfless love.

5. Love is like friendship

One of the classics of “Psychology of Love” by Elaine Hatfield and his colleagues identified two types of love: the compassionate and passionate.

Passionate love is associated with strong and uncontrollable emotions. According to Hatfield, it depends on our upbringing and fortuitous circumstances – the furniture, or any other personal characteristics of human signal us that it was “romantic” – and the brain gets the signal to fall in love.

Compassionate love is qualitatively different, and ideally a passionate love should go in the compassionate. This love is based on shared values, and it can be called love, friendship, where people like to just socialize, spend time together.

Perfect love, could possibly combine a passionate love and a stable love, friendship, but, according to Hatfield, it is a great rarity. That is why the extinction of the passion is best experienced those couples who have common cultural and moral values and a common view of the world.

Unfortunately, a feature of all theories of love that they are very difficult to apply in practice. After all, the feelings can not be ordered. However, you can try to create their own expression of love, not like the others.