Five Tips for Nice Guys
by Do you classify yourself as a nice guy? Do you see yourself as involuntarily celibate? Or are you just frustrated with your love life? There is finally some advice crafted just for you.
A lot of people are familiar with the “nice-guy” syndrome. If not, there is plenty of information available here. It is a title given to a group of men who constantly hear the mantra “men are pigs,” yet can’t understand why women constantly overlook their gentlemanly conduct and overall “nice” behavior.
These nice guys often find and pursue women, yet they are more often than not met with rejection and occasionally the phrase “let’s just be friends,” or “you’re such a good friend.”
There are many different theories as to how and why this happens. Many researchers have tackled this question. Nice guys have also published their own explanations, some involving detailed sciences about “the friend ladder” and others being rants on involuntary celibacy. I myself have written pages and pages regarding this “syndrome.” As of yet, all of these efforts have returned inconclusive results.
However, what all of these studies have failed to take into consideration is the mathematical aspect of the syndrome rather than the scientific. Instead of searching for some flaw in oneself, nice guys should consider more the more global perspective. This discovery could perhaps end, if anything, some of the blind frustration nice guys often feel when rejected.
Nice Guys and Nice Girls
Before discussing my findings, it is important to classify the types of men and women to whom this study directly relates. Those who are familiar with the nice guy most likely have heard of his opposite: the jerk. Though the men are intricate aspects of the study, it is equally important to classify the women into groups.
The stereotypical jerk will often say that he seeks to date “some chick.” This alone provides some insight as to why jerks are statistically more likely to attract a girlfriend. While nice guys search for a “suitable” woman, jerks are comfortable with “some chick.” The “chick” is a girl who is not particularly discriminating in her taste in men. She is comfortable dressing in revealing clothing in order to get the attention of the most attractive male she can find. This is not to say chicks are not selective; however, they are more interested in finding a handsome man rather than a charming one.
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Post CommentAnonymous
On August 29, 2008 at 11:07 pm
I’m a girl. I’d like to think I’m one of the ones with personality. And after dating/messing around with a few jerks, I’ve been wondering lately why I’ve gone for them, and why, of the few ‘nice guys’ that I think of as friends, I would probably not go for them even if they were the last guys on earth.
I think I’ve concluded it’s because nice is boring and predictable. You can always rely on your girlfriends to take care of you, and it’s the same with the nice guys who always try to cater to your needs. Girls want this a few months into a relationship, but not right from the start. What we want at the beginning, or what I’ve decided I want, anyway, is a guy who has his own life and interests, who is into you but it’s not the end of the world if you get away. Because that’s a guessing game, you don’t know for sure, and part of a new relationship is being unsure about everything. There’s also the basic human nature of the grass being greener. You want something more if you can’t have it, or in this case if there is less of a chance of you having it, because he is his own person and you have to make yourself better to win him.
So I agree especially with point #3. Trying hard is a big turnoff; caring too much is a big turnoff; AT THE START. Fun falling-for-each-other game at first; commitment later.
Of course, natural chemistry is also required, and much harder to find.
I’ve found a guy who isn’t a jerk but who didn’t have to try all the time to get me. We just sort of fell into it, and our relationship is effortless; it’s easy and nice to talk to him and be with him. That’s the sort of thing you should be looking for. Unfortunately you have to not look for it to find it, I think.