I think I’ve concluded it’s because nice is boring and predictable. You can always rely on your girlfriends to take care of you, and it’s the same with the nice guys who always try to cater to your needs. Girls want this a few months into a relationship, but not right from the start. What we want at the beginning, or what I’ve decided I want, anyway, is a guy who has his own life and interests, who is into you but it’s not the end of the world if you get away. Because that’s a guessing game, you don’t know for sure, and part of a new relationship is being unsure about everything. There’s also the basic human nature of the grass being greener. You want something more if you can’t have it, or in this case if there is less of a chance of you having it, because he is his own person and you have to make yourself better to win him.

So I agree especially with point #3. Trying hard is a big turnoff; caring too much is a big turnoff; AT THE START. Fun falling-for-each-other game at first; commitment later.

Of course, natural chemistry is also required, and much harder to find.

I’ve found a guy who isn’t a jerk but who didn’t have to try all the time to get me. We just sort of fell into it, and our relationship is effortless; it’s easy and nice to talk to him and be with him. That’s the sort of thing you should be looking for. Unfortunately you have to not look for it to find it, I think.