Five Ways to Tell If You are in a Dysfunctional Relationship

• If you spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about what your partner thinks, and it affects your daily life, your routines, and your job performance.

• If you allow yourself to rationalize away your partners un-appropriate behavior, or allow them to always convince you that their behavior is normal and that YOU are the one with the problem.

• If the more you are treated disrespectfully by your partner, the more you think you love and need them.

• If you dream of manipulating and molding your partner into what you want them to be, as opposed to accepting them as they are.

• If you see yourself as a victim, or a martyr, or see yourself destined for a life of unhappiness with your partner.

If you can relate to these statements, then you are most likely in a dysfunctional and co-dependent relationship. I can personally attest to this, and I can also tell you that there is HOPE. It begins with an acceptance of the way it is, and a respect and love for yourself and your happiness. Below are a few resources that have helped me significantly. I encourage you to check them out…

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   The Road Less Traveled- M. Scott Peck M.D. – This was the book that opened my eyes at the beginning of my search for happiness. It has proved to be life changing for me. “Life is difficult. That is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult- once we truly understand and accept it- then life is no longer difficult.”

1. Facing Love Addiction-Pia Mellody- This book that taught me about love addicts and love avoidants, and the continuous cycle of damage caused in the lives of these people because of their dysfunctional relationships. I would have NEVER picked up this book in the bookstore, but it was given to me by someone I trust, and it literally opened my eyes to things I could have never understood.

1. Struggle for Intimacy- Janet Woititz Ed.D- This book showed me that I am the way I am because of the way I was raised. I understand that what I do now is my CHOICE; however my tendencies toward destructive relationships were set in motion by my childhood. The 1st chapter’s title says it all, “Why do you pick the lovers that you do?”

1. Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow- Karen Casey- Full of simple ideas and common sense, this book blew me away with stories I could relate to my childhood , and the peaceful reassurance that I am not alone in my seeking.

1. A Glimpse of Jesus, the Stranger to Self-Hatred- Brennan Manning- By far the most comforting book of the group. Where the other books either brought my faults to light, or showed me how to correct them, this book taught me that I AM LOVED, and accepted by God, just the way I am. It gave me the strength and the courage to do something about my situation, and to know that regardless of the outcome, that he would still be with me, and more importantly, still love me.

If any of you who can relate to this, I would encourage you to not be afraid, and to seek out the answers to your struggles. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions, because I know what you are going through, and if I can help you in any way, I feel that my calling is to do so.