Flirting

Flirting is an art form, no doubt. It is by definition a medium through which one attempts to attain some rapturous feeling via reciprocation of verbal or nonverbal action. However, no matter how intensely reciprocation is desired it cannot simply be asked for. No no, that ruins the fun of it all, you see. To ask is to risk premature self-disclosure. Self-disclosure risks vulnerability, and vulnerability leads to fear. And as Yoda says, fear leads to hate and so on and so on. But I digress. A word on reactions, though. The interplay is delicate, with the reactions of each person inextricably bound to the behavior of the other. Progression toward ecstatic mutuality may not involve externally created difficulties but feinting and parrying, minor deceptions, and falsehoods. The uncertainty required by the limerent reaction may often be merely a matter of perception. To perceive a certain feeling or to perceive a certain reaction from the target may just as easily be the opposite of what is intended.

Despite ideals and philosophy, a process begins that bears unquestionable similarity to a game. The prize is not trifling: reciprocation produces ecstasy. Whether it will be won, whether it will be shared, and what the final outcome may be depends on the effectiveness of actions and those of the limerent object; indeed on skill. Deviations from straightforward honesty become essential limerent strategies. To deceive one’s limerent object is to add to the heightened excitement of feinting feelings or emotions- toying with one another. In other words, lying is okay.

Fears lead to proceeding with a caution that will hopefully protect from disaster. Understandably, if one has had a negative experience with flirting, i.e. they were rejected or they failed to obtain reciprocation, they will be apprehensive. Reason to hope combined with reason to doubt keeps passion at fever pitch and too-ready limerent availability cools. The whole balance of whether or not you’re “pushing the envelope” too far is all part of the excitement. Open declaration of true feelings may stop the process, however. Limerent uncertainty as well as projection can be viewed as the consequence of the limerent inclination to hide feelings, adding to the old adage that things are not always as they seem.

Because one of the invariant characteristics of limerence is extreme emotional dependency on the limerent object’s behavior, the actual course of flirting must depend on the actions and reactions of both people. Uncertainty increases limerence; increased limerence dictates altered action, which serves to increase or decrease limerence in the other according to the interpretation given. In many cases, this can help to establish certain motions.

Taking into consideration that human beings are creatures of habit, to mix up normality is to sway the balance in one direction and perhaps reveal some true emotion. The interplay is delicate if the relationship hovers near mutuality; a subtle imbalance, constantly shifting, appears to maintain it. Each person knows who is more limerent.