For Love or Marriage

According to Lori Gottlieb, “Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.” Call me old fashioned, but taking that in a “good way” seems implausible. However, in her article “Marry Him!” Gottlieb is adamant that settling for a mediocre man will end in eternal bliss. Well, I am fighting on the side of true love. My disclaimer: my 19-year-old perspective may not be comparable to that of a woman in her early 40’s. With this in mind, know that I truly feel settling is a cop-out and the only person being deceived by doing so is one’s self.

Growing up in modern America is often accompanied by an idea of living “the dream” (Gottlieb). “The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after” (Gottlieb). Where this dream was conceived I am unsure, however it is highly encoded into our image of happiness from early childhood until the day we say “I do.” If we do not secure this happiness by a certain age we wallow in self pity and condemn our faults. Women worry continuously about their future, or possible lack there of, if they do not start living “the dream” by the time their biological buzzer goes off. Gottlieb challenges the reader to “take a good look into the mirror and try to convince yourself that you’re not worried, because you’ll see how silly your face looks when you’re being disingenuous.” Well

when I look in the mirror I see someone hopeful for the endless possibilities to obtain happiness through other aspects of life besides finding my Prince Charming. However, I acknowledge the fact that there are some women particularly concerned with obtaining the ideal husband.

Gottlieb suggests we rise above this American “dream” by settling. Settling for someone you hardly enjoy for your entire life sounds completely nonsensical. By my calculations, to whom you chose to be married is one of, if not the biggest choice you will ever make. With the divorce rate already at a staggering 50 percent, it is important women invest time and effort into relationships supported by sincere feelings with a greater chance of lasting. When searching for a spouse, as opposed to just spontaneously meeting someone, it has just recently become popular to higher one’s expectations and marry for love rather then practicality. This article advocates that women regress by essentially using a man to set a structure in place to start a family. Gottlieb finds the stipulations that deem a person adequate to be considered for marriage broad. She suggests that finding a life partner is as simple as a game, even though common sense would advise otherwise. “It’s like musical chairs—when do you take a seat, any seat, just so you’re not l left standing alone” (Gottlieb).