For Love or Marriage

What is settling exactly? When is a person settling and when are they merely overlooking minor flaws in the chance of a greater future? This is up to each individual person to define for themselves. Harmony is impossible to achieve without a smidgen of compromise. However, honest adoration is a necessary component in a long lasting, gratifying marriage. Where Gottlieb stands on the definition of settling appears vague and

inconsistent. She mentions a female friend who ended a relationship with a man simply because he “didn’t like to read.” Later in the article, she alludes to the fact that marrying a man who is a “plumber, a park ranger, an Army helicopter nurse” is settling. (Since when did these occupations become objectionable?) She even goes as far as to tell the reader “Don’t worry about passion or intense connection.” So what qualifies as settling? For Gottlieb to compose a valid argument, she must first recognize the legitimacy of her proposal.

Throughout the article, Gottlieb often makes the mistake of basing definitive decisions on her own limited experience instead of thinking in a broader sense. She does not take into account the numerous amounts of women who have found true connections and made them last. Gottlieb even goes as far as to say, “I’ve been told the reason so many women end up alone is that we have too many choices. I think it’s the opposite: we have no choice.” How can there be NO choices if America alone is composed of over 115 million men, almost half of them being perfectly available (United States Census Bureau)? Gottlieb’s own misfortunes with relationships have caused her to become cynical and judgmental towards all men. Unless one’s standards are completely ridiculous, it is somewhat pretentious to assume there is not one man who can meet a woman’s full needs. The persona and attitude of the article comes from a slightly egotistical, haughty woman, who believes she is too superior for any mere mortal she ever has or ever will date. She never once insinuates she might not yet have found “The One” due to her own flaws.

While a lot of opinions and hearsay are offered, there is a major lack of facts to support Gottlieb’s argument for setting. Apparently the phrase “it’s just a movie” is completely out the window. A variety of television sitcoms are referenced throughout the article in an attempt to reiterate her idea that settling proves beneficial. She compares the trials and tribulations these TV characters endure to real life without acknowledging the fact that these situations are simulated and often over exaggerated. Her other sources include random friends who seem to share opinions not too unlike her own. Gottlieb even admits herself, “…the women I know aren’t widely representative.” Despite the fact she realizes how narrow minded one must be to believe that a small group of similar women speak for the entire sex of a country, Gottlieb offers no alternative points of view. She should consider granting recognition to those with opposing standpoints as well.

Although this article is excellently written, it is poorly thought out and is enormously one- sided. Settling is the least ideal concept I would ever dread to be in the position of doing. Observing people setting up a life to be trapped in a love-less marriage causes me to pity not only the individual, but the future of mankind in general. I advocate that women have a responsibility to marry for sincere reasons, for themselves and also for those who will be affected by their marriage. “I also acknowledge the power of the grass-is-always-greener phenomenon, and allow for the possibility that my life alone is better (if far more difficult) than the life I would have in a comfortable but tepid marriage” (Gottlieb). So, until death do you part?