Forms of Love

            Forgiveness is ultimately a form of love, a love that accepts others as they are. It meets them with a compassion that springs from an awareness of our own weaknesses, faults and destructive tendencies.

             The one who knows he has offended another must apologize, and must work through the process of repentance. This must never be allowed to become a form of “buying back” the relationship. Such a person may struggle with the desire to make some impossible act of restitution, or to be punished in some unhealthy way – as though by doing so, he or she could earn forgiveness. It may be right to make restitution for a wrong done, but restitution can never earn forgiveness. It is freely offered as an act of love, and freely accepted as an act of humility.

             We cannot pay for what is freely given to us. The beauty of both forgiveness and reconciliation is that they are free actions that come from the heart. When we have wronged someone, and that person has forgiven us and has opened the door of reconciliation to us, the only thing we can do is accept it. This can be difficult indeed. Accepting unconditional love may make us more keenly aware of our own failures, or the wrongness of our own actions. Refusal to accept forgiveness and love makes reconciliation impossible. Reconciliation is based on mutual acceptance.

              Reconciliation requires not only mutual forgiveness, but also mutual acceptance. Acceptance is based on:

• Both parties being able to accept themselves.
• Both being willing to admit their own failures.
• Both desiring healing for the ruptured relationship.
• Both being prepared to surrender their demand for self-justification.
• Both being prepared to set aside their desire to punish the other.
• Both acknowledging that it is not easy for people to receive unconditional forgiving love.