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Friction in Relationships

Friction between two people in a relationship can be avoided at the start of a relationship, if we commit to communication and compromise.

Often times couples experience friction in their relationships because one person is not willing to compromise with the other person, or both individuals refuse to compromise with each other. This appears to stem from a basic lack of understanding of what the other person needs. While anyone can argue that there are many reasons for friction in relationships, the most serious, deeply-dipping, and hurtful, are those reasons that pick at our abilities and or desires to make healthy choices for ourselves and the one we love. Some of that picking (or picking on, as it may evolve into) has to do with really wanting to assert ourselves as individuals; but a certain amount of individuality is willingly given up when we enter into a relationship with a significant other. If you spend 30 years of your life just wanting to sit on a couch and watch TV without regard to anyone else’s wishes, and that’s what you want, then that’s what you should do. But if what one really wants is someone to share the couch with some times, while spending other times doing something else of interest to another person, than it’s time for us to make grownup decisions about being able to communicate and compromise.

A common question that some people pose to themselves and their confidantes is, “Why do some of us want to purposely antagonize the person we supposedly love?” That is the question that is at the heart of almost all disagreements. From where I stand, if I had the person in my life who was my soul mate, all I would want to do would be to keep them happy, safe and feeling deeply and consciously loved. But some of us take that knowledge and run with it instead of investing in what would make that exact feeling grow. That is, many of us take the knowledge that we are deeply loved and find ways to test it, instead of inventing new ways to enrich it. Love isn’t a game, a problem or a test; it’s a grand gift. Problems with friction have their solution in some very simple rules for relationships. While many people advocate the popular age-old adage that opposites attract, too much of an opposite only means that you’ll eventually be watching a movie from opposite ends of a couch, if at all. Or it could end up with a night out on the town meaning that one person is at the bar while the other is at the movie theater.

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