So, it’s been years since you got hitched and he’s way past making any effort to keep you interested. While you were dating he was the most fun guy you knew. He swept you off your feet at every half-chance he could mince out of his busy schedule. His smile made even your mum blush. He was special – a catch. You knew that, but most importantly, (Alleluia! and bright lights) your friends did too. Now he’s a piece of fungi stuck on your sofa with a whiffy, sticky residue. He does nothing apart from work and eat. He’s growing quite fat and you’re afraid he’s lost his spark.  What do you do to turn your mushroom back into your attractive groom?

While nagging has a certain attraction to members of our gender, I’m sorry to say that it won’t work here. No amount of nagging will elevate mould to gold. There are however, a few clever tricks that will soon sharp-whip things into shape.

Music

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Music can serve up instant reminders of past experiences, whether good or bad. Music is like our sense of smell. A light scent of freshly cut grass can immediately take us back to a day in our childhood when we raced around in the back yard, laughing and being sprayed with the garden hose. Choose music you listened to together while you were dating. Did you have party tunes, tracks you sang along to in the car, songs played at your wedding? If you can get them burned onto a CD/MP3 so they play one after the other, this would be ideal. Make sure this music is playing in a different room from the one in which he’s sitting. If he’s stuck to the the couch in the living room, the sounds should be taunting him from the kitchen. Let him hear you singing along, so he could come and find you. When he gets there, this is your big chance to hit the iron while he’s in this mood of youth and good times you’ve created. Talk about fitter times and ask him to join a dance class/gym/ or start running with you.

Places

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Book a table to have lunch/dinner at a place you frequented while you dated. If you can remember what you ordered in the past, order the same thing again. Remind him of something he enjoyed when you ate there the last time. Suggest that he should order it again. Use this time to talk about good times you’ve both allowed yourself to forget. Let nothing about bills, home or kids smuggle into the conversation. This will help him to relive this period of time and long for it again. Everyone yearns for their youth, especially times of happiness when everything in their world was golden. Your conversation should steer his thoughts to nostalgia. When he thinks of the past with desire, he should want to reclaim some of it. This is your chance to make suggestions of changes you want to make in your lives, changes that will bring you at least part way back to where you used to reside.  Do you want to start going out again? Okay, maybe dinner is a bit too expensive for you. How about a bi-weekly lunch date? Spending time eating opposite you even occasionally, will help your toadstool to again become your daddy cool.

Scents

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Do you remember what scents you wore when your fungi was a fun guy? When you manage to spade him off his butt-shaped dent in the sofa, casually drop into a nearby shop to purchase this scent. The reason he has to be with you is simple. This perfume acquisition is not just a physical gain. It’s representative of the intangible acquirement you wish to make in your relationship. You’re regaining an earlier scent, but most importantly, you’re regaining the loveliness, sweetness, charm and freshness you once had together. Try out lots of scents with him (please use the scent sticks provided and not your wrist, or you’ll lose the spirit of this exercise). You can even get him to try some out. Maybe a scent marketed by a younger, fitter man will needle him into action. He has to feel better to get better. Scents help in this department. When you find the scent you wish to purchase, put it on and ask him if he remembers it.  Use the drive/walk home to talk about what you remember. Wear the scent! Don’t wait for special occasions. If he agreed to go dancing or out to lunch with you, wear the scent to do so.

Dress

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Hopefully, you’re getting some positive response with the three most powerful ‘call to actions’ above.  If there is some resistance you have to dig deeper, but this may require some painful work on your part.

Resurrect some of the clothes you wore in the past. If they don’t fit properly, stay as far away from them as possible. You don’t want to be compared with your earlier figure if it’s not in your favour.  If your body has changed drastically, you should do something about it. If it’s a hopeless case then you’ll just have to cheat and get a bigger size in something similar to the one he used to love you wearing. Obviously, you’ll say, ‘Do you remember this?’ at which point, he’s supposed to say, ‘Oh, yes! Can’t believe it still fits,’ and so on. Many previously hard-to-budge fungi will turn over a new umbrella if their wife suddenly looks amazing, and they’re still stuck in the damp dirt under some large tree in the woods of their inactivity.  Seeing you look your best will needle him in the eye. It will make him realise what he’s been missing out on and call attention to the shade he’s been living under.

Get your groove back and spur him into responding likewise. Music, dinner, dates, sweetness and fitness have got to come together for an explosive wake-up call.

Friends

Rein some of your friends in to help. Some stains are very tricky to remove, and if you’re finding a hard time bleaching yours off the sofa, reinforcement is what you need.  Friends can encourage your fungi to spring into action by inviting both of you out. If there are friends he respects, ask their help to get him going. However, you have got to be the propeller behind the action. Friends can only validate your cause, they can’t fight them. Once all of the above have been conquered, you’re ready to rope in your peeps and get your gig on the road.  Good luck!

Don’t forget to check out The Relationship Supermarket.com for a comprehensive collection of relationship articles.