Systems Consultant is tiresome esp. when you do have a rude gamer that makes you insanely gritting all the time. Fastforward to years ago, a rugged boy once transformed to a typical features of TDH (tall, dark and handsome) man. I realize now that there’s no such thing as icky guy and that’s a little worse from the fact that his attitude changed for worst not for the better. One day, I caught myself falling in love with him; I had so vehemently been opposed. Once, again, I am face with the question: is it right to rely my heart to somebody like him? The beginning was actually a dog and cat fight story, this time more than a lovers and less than a foe. At first, I thought it was the stupidest thing that I would get myself into. I never really thought of myself to fall in love with him. I don’t even really like the words or idea. To that, my feelings seems like a crossword puzzle to everyone and even to myself “No! Never! He’s not my type!”

Contrary to its word, I actually “eat my words” and I found that ridiculous. I’ve  think he was quite young, rugged and bully – not the type. To think I could withstand to it, I used to ignore him, but the more closely I gets. Why so, he’s always around, I can resist even take my system off him. “What the hell am feeling like this? Imagine, upon waking up in the morning he”s already on my mind. Sometimes even in my dreams and I just don’t know how and when this feeling started I just found myself always thinking of him. I had my sleepless nights if ever I fall asleep, he’s always on my dreams, whatever I’m doing he’s always on my mind. Wherever I am whatever I do, why should I waste my time just think about him? Hook on called love….

Aye! Soon enough, we get on. And I can now tell the world about it. But the worst was yet to come. Our relationship already put into a big tests. Until I found I am engaged in a very deep game of love. Ways seems like dark without a glimpse of him. And all I could picture myself drifting without right direction. My way out to find he’s such a race wizards, he has mastered the skills wrecker. To not even think I’m wise enough I cried out “damn you! What stupid games are you playing anyway…” how the hell he distorted my mind! I’m dumb, I drink and I look so disgusting that injured my ego and stressed my heart with so much pain. My life seems so miserable (despite the joyous season.) I went into the direction for all the wrong moved thinking getting into joyride would cease the pain and make me feel like a winner! I was wrong. Taking over is not the answer. Revenge in mind never a solution, defense mechanism (is the right word) well; I won’t consider anyone to the rebound. Thanks to Michael, I had to go through with it, boost my ego and eventually moved on. He’s been good. But the reality brings my heart lies not into him. Well, love is such blind and fortunately love leads us back…

New Years Eve what an incomparable gift, I got. A simple missive yet comes to a sympathetic (?) recipient “I do miss you, see you around” I find deep contentment in a message as I emerged relieve and smiling. But when I see him he looks so different, not the typical-I use to know. He loses much weight from the looks of it, there is still a pain in his eyes and I feel the same excessively. But things never that easy to forget even so, the meeting finally erase any doubts and question in me. His way out to initiates for reconciliation, though, pride in me battles in a way, the love and chemistry was there, lead to back in each other arms again… Yes, what’s really won me over his gamely determination to win me back even if he gets start on the starting point through the finish line. Crazy love called.

But ours love affair is like one roller coaster ride, we had a fight, led to temporary beak up. Nearly two months ago, history repeats itself. But in the first beak up it was he who is jealous. The last time, it’s the other way around. It’s I, who is getting over jealous. Behind those break up a 3rd party involved. And knowing the real and true him afterwards. Well, he has mastered the skills of venture, jerk and, of shifting gears. And I think ending a game is only way our love to go. So, I insist “Stop. Finish. The play-off is closed. The game is over. Absolutely, unappealable, and executory!”

True such love is like a game, we will take hazards and having gambles. It may lead us somewhere to our goal or away from it. It may lead us nowhere, or it may lead us to a dead end. Be careful! Name game: his attitude contrary to his godly-name. Anyway, daredevil who looks pretty good at the time, comes in many guises. Clue: He’s such an insolvent person and the worst kind of guy I ever met!