Getting Over Your Ex. Five Steps to Feeling Better

Letting go of your ex can be one of the hardest things you do in your life. It can even be harder than making the decision to split up, or allowing yourself to move on with someone else, much harder than you ever imagined. It all starts the same way; you meet someone and you think that you have found someone special. You enter into a relationship with them and begin to plan your future. Time goes by and things are fine in the beginning but eventually things change. Relationships can be amazing things. Bliss, love, friendship and happiness until one day things begin to sour. You might try to fix what wrong, wait for a light bulb moment that will tell you what to do or just drive your partner so crazy they break up with you. The result is the same, it ends. The end of a relationship can be devastating for those involved. It has an effect on how you view yourself, what you thought was going to happen in the future and even your values. You may have believed your relationship would last or that you could make it work with willpower alone or that it was fate. You are stubborn, you don´t give up and will not give up, so why is this not working?  Even if you know the relationship was unhealthy, damaging even, it can still be difficult to let go. When the relationship ends you might go through a grieving process, you may become depressed or you might even feel relief or happiness that it is finally over. Any reaction you have is normal, we all feel and process in different ways. We also know that time is really the only thing that helps us heal, but how long it takes to heal can vary greatly from one person to another. The length of the relationship, whether or not you have children together and the relationship with your ex´s family can complicate it even further.  The pain felt after a breakup can even seem to linger endlessly weaving us into a web of confusion, guilt, and mistrust, misguided feelings can follow that lead you into more depression, guilt and sorrow. It is easy to become unsure of your decisions, your part in the failed relationship and even in your identity. You may have been with your ex for a long time as a spouse a partner, part of a family and now you are alone. This can be difficult especially when you have based your wants and needs on what someone has wanted and needed for many years. This can create an identity crisis which exasperates the situation further. Allot of people become tired of the single life and begin to believe that the relationship they had before really was better than the life they lead now. They might fantasise about what could have been, or remember the good times, maybe even convince themselves that eventually someday things can be like they were before. They begin to believe they can reconcile the relationship and even be happy together again but this time for the rest of their lives. Eventually something happens; your ex begins dating, enters into a relationship or is happy without you. It doesn´t always hit home right away but when it does it can creep up on us and bowl us over. We might feel like we have been punched in the stomach, slapped in the face, we may go into denial or hysterics. Depression may surface and begin to take over your life. Well wishing friends will often tell you, ‚”Just be glad you got out of that relationship!”or‚”if you allow yourself to feel this way your ex wins. ‚”that’s all fine and dandy but it really does nothing to dull the pain of losing your ex for good. When a relationship ends, it is final, but when the person you were with goes into another relationship you can feel like you have lost them all over again. This can apply equally whether you did the breaking up or were broken up with. Loosing someone you love, leaving them because you have no choice or having them leave you can feel like a death of a loved one. This can be especially painful if you had a very intense relationship or if you were together for a long time. Getting over your ex is not easy, it takes time and work. It may even feel like you are over it and have moved on but then you may discover one day after hearing they have moved on that you are nowhere near over them.