Getting Over Your Ex. Five Steps to Feeling Better
by Loosing someone you love, leaving them because you have no choice or having them leave you can feel like a death of a loved one. This can be especially painful if you had a very intense relationship or if you were together for a long time. Getting over your ex is not easy, it takes time and work. It may even feel like you are over it and have moved on but then you may discover one day after hearing they have moved on that you are nowhere near over them.
· Sort through your feelings, label them and figure out where they are coming from. In other words, if you feel anger why do you feel anger? Is it because your ex found someone else or because he is treating her much better than he treated you? Do you really want him or her to treat others the same way that you were treated? You might want your ex to love you, or be in pain over the loss of the relationship but ask yourself if you really love them is that what you genuinely want for them. If you feel anger who is your anger hurting. Who does it affect and how is it helping you? Forgive your ex because having bad feelings between you will not help you heal but rather hinder the healing from taking place. Forgive yourself! Allow yourself to feel the way you feel for a while and then start working your way out. Don´t let your insecurity or self doubt determine how you will deal with this part of your life. In order to be emotionally free of your ex you must accept the situation, forgive, take responsibility and come from a place of love not fear, anger insecurity or jealousy. What is it really that is making you mad? Do you really want to feel this way and what can you do so that you do not feel this way. Make sure that the way you decide to feel will benefit you. Just think about how good it will feel if you can think about the past without regret.
· Change your thought process. Every time you think to yourself ‚‘I want my ex back‘‘ask yourself if that statement is really true? If you are angry at your ex for behaving a certain way ask yourself if they really should not be doing what they are doing. Be honest. When you think you can no longer go on or will never find anyone else or whatever it is that you are thinking take that thought and turn it around. You don´t have to believe it just do it. Eventually your mind will reprogram itself. Every morning and every night take 5 minutes to feel grateful for something. Truly feel grateful and believe in your feeling. We all have a choice in this life about how we take on a crisis. You can choose to let it control you or you can choose to learn from it. The difference lies in the ability to step back and clearly see you r life in its truest form, to identify who you want to be and to take action to be that person. We all feel bad from time to time. Allow yourself to feel sad, bad or depressed for a little while then begin to work your way out of the fog. You are the only one who can change how you feel and react but many will benefit from the change.
Remember if there was a death in the family you would give yourself permission to grieve so allow yourself to grieve your ex. Life will get better if you let it but it will take time and effort. The more you are honest with yourself about your feelings and the honest circumstances of your past relationship the easier it will be to get over your ex.
Drifa Ulfarsdottir
Copyright © Drifa Ulfarsdottir 2009
Liked it
-
-
Post CommentRelationship Xpert
On January 17, 2010 at 11:11 am
When you’re feeling lower than low, one of the greatest things you can do is work on improving yourself. Start a new, healthful diet to feel better about your health. Take a few classes at your local community college where you can meet new people and broaden your horizons. Go on a trip. Do things that make you feel better about yourself. Being proactive is a great way to speed up the healing and gain new self-esteem and confidence.
http://gethimorherback.blog.com/download-free-ebooks
Chuck
On October 15, 2010 at 11:58 am
I’m actually not sorry to say this, but this is bunk.
If a person you loved has died, that is one thing. They are dead, by what ever manner it occurred. That is fact and truth. Currently, we have no way to bring a dead and burried person back to life in flesh and blood form.
Now a person that has left us and is still alive is another matter.
Don’t confuse the two.
They are not the same thing.
It’s frustrating and an out right insult to compare the two.
Now then, for those of us that patiently went through the list and disagreed with you on the questions you were leading us to agree with, I say this: What if you are wrong?
What if you were already building yourself and a great life?
What if you were already improving yourself?
Where, exactly, are you better off without the person?
How is the breakup really “for the best” for _all_ involved when one is devastated by it and the other gets to “move on” with their lives and continue the mistakes they made, but now with others?
I disagree with you.
Fully and deeply.
If it was a happy relationship, supportive and with a future how can you say it’s okay that it ended?
To ask whether we want them to be happy in their new life or whether we want to be happy again is a lowly, trick question. It leads us to see ourselves as selfish. Well you know what? Sometimes we can and should be selfish when it helps and heals the most people. Sometimes a breakup is not for the best. Sometimes the damage that it does is deep and affects many. How is that “for the best”? How is it “for the best” when the mistakes are perpetuated into the following relationships, where the other party does not face the issues and thus does not learn and does not grow?
And to tell us we can learn from these experiances presumes we’ve never encountered them before. What if we have and see that no matter what we learn about ourselves or others is of any use in preventing heartache no matter how we reachout, how patient we are, or anything else?
What are we learning then?
That relationships don’t work.
Is that what you want us to learn?
To give up each and every time a relationship goes south?
Are you teaching impermanance to relationships?
And you have the nerve to tell us to say and repeat stuff that we not only do not believe, but can show proof otherwise is not true?
Positive affirmations do not build and heal.
Actions and reality do.
You are providing a disservice.
Pure and simple.
And you are wrong.