Getting Revenge After a Breakup: Crucial Checklist

Anyone recovering from a split will be familiar with the accompanying roller coaster of emotions and in particular the pain that comes with having to deal with rejection.

You feel alternately angry, confused, betrayed, mentally beaten up and generally exhausted by the whole scenario. And along comes the desire for revenge.

Showing the Ex

For many people this becomes an extreme need to show their ex they are so unaffected by the break up that they have moved straight on into another relationship. It saves having to think too much about the heartache of the old situation and blocks out the terrible feelings of loss generated when their partner told them it was over.

We see this in celebrity pairings over and over, where one partner miraculously finds true love with someone else a matter of days after a split. Take Mel B and her swift marriage to Stephen Belafonte, a lightning strike after Eddie Murphy refused to acknowledge he was the father of her baby.

No more humiliation, no more having to deal with being alone, and no more doubting how attractive you are to others. Just jump straight in and get on with loving another human being as if the former relationship never existed in the first place. Wow, she really showed him, didn’t she?

Putting on a Front

Broad smiles and a perfectly honed new body may disguise a whole host of vengeful thoughts. And why not seal the deal completely by not just meeting someone new, but moving in, or even marrying them too? You’re no longer the reject who nobody loves, but a person so desirable people are falling over themselves to be with you forever!

Despite warnings from friends and relatives, some people can’t wait to get involved, up to their armpits, with someone else after a break up. They date madly for a while, desperate to find a remotely suitable other half, who will help them show the world they really aren’t so horrible no one will ever want to be with them again.

Advice isn’t welcomed and all onlookers can do is wait for the old cliché, ”marry in haste and repent at leisure”, sadly, to come true. What’s worst about this state of affairs is that the partner they’re really trying to demonstrate this lovedupness to – the ex – quite contentedly gets on with their life without apparently having a need to prove anything to anyone.

What Happens Next?

Unfortunately when the revenge-getter finally admits the new relationship they jumped into just isn’t what they want, then they have a whole new pile of misery to deal with on top of the old. Their deep insecurity within returns to the surface, and the adrenalin rush involved in the need to find yet another new partner drives them on yet again.

The moral of the story is; if you seek to punish an ex by moving on too quickly, all you’re going to do ultimately is punish yourself. There’s certainly some merit to revenge…but as a dish served cold rather than so hot you burn yourself.

Revenge Checklist

Could you ever be a victim of your own revenge rather than moving on in a healthy, positive way? If you agree with three or more of the following, the answer may be yes:

• Do you find being alone unbearable?
• Do you only feel good about yourself when you’re in a relationship?
• Do you make negative judgements or assumptions about people who are alone, for example their social status?
• Do you keep up a positive front to people at all times, keeping your true feelings private?
• Have you lied about the reasons for the breakup of your relationships so they reflect well on you?
• Did you fight hard against the break up of your last relationship?